


In Another Life (Dan and Phil X Reader)

by Liv4Writing



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Fluff, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liv4Writing/pseuds/Liv4Writing
Summary: You've lived most of your teenagerhood as a major fan of Dan and Phil, and a proud member of the Phandom (shipping them or not, your choice.) You wake up one day to find yourself seemingly inserted into Dan's life as his best friend, and the next day inserted into Phil's life. You alternate being your two favorite YouTubers' best friend.Finally, you notice that Dan and Phil are notably absent from each other's lives: they've never met. You're torn between wanting to bring the two YouTubers together to create the amazing Phandom, but you also want to continue spending your life with them. And on top of that, you only have room for one life- Dan or Phil?Note: Please read the whole story! It won't make sense if you skip chapters.





	1. Enter the Phangirl: Prologue

You were curled up in a ball on your bed, hugging TABINOF, which is the position you could usually be found in these days. As a junior in high school, you didn't have money to spend freely, especially considering you still hadn't saved up enough money to get into that film writing college that interested you.  
Because college was creeping up on you, waiting to attack like some kind of evil creature that wants to eat your soul, and-  
Nope. Nopeity nope nope.  
If you thought about the future too much you'd send yourself into an existential crisis. Anyway, you'd saved up the bit of money you'd earned from helping out at your uncle's company, and you'd dug out the cash that you hid under your mattress when you were eight years old. You'd finally been able to purchase TABINOF.  
You inhaled the book in about an hour the first day you bought it, but had still refused to put it down for days. School was just too much stress to handle sometimes, and these dorky YouTubers were your saviors. Having this physical piece of them was as close as you'd get to ever actually meeting or being near Dan and Phil. Besides, lying in your bed and laughing at your favorite pages brought you comfort and significantly improved your day.  
The only time you had to part with the book was during school, where you didn't dare bring it. Some popular girl would smear lipstick on it, or the guy in your math class who hated you for no apparent reason would snatch it out of your hands just to tantalize you.  
Of course, YouTube was almost always available to you at school. You could go to the computer lab and watch your two favorite adorable nerds, or run through your playlist of Phil Is Not On Fire. You could squeal with fellow fans and friends in the comments or look at merchandise that you would dream about owning.  
You could say your life kind of revolved around Dan and Phil. They were your world. Maybe it was an unhealthy obsession, but some days it just kept you sane. You felt like no one understood you except for those two amazing guys on the screen.  
They didn't even know that you existed. And yet, if you could just pull them through the computer monitor, hug them, and say thank-you... Your life would be complete.  
Your eyes flickered up from the book to your desk, where you'd carefully arranged your collection of black Sharpies and dry erase markers.  
"Mom!" you called out.  
Your mom walked into your room, looking concerned. "(Y/N)? Are you still laying like that?" She threw her hands up in frustration.  
"Why couldn't I have a normal daughter?!"  
"Mom, can you please grab that marker and draw-" you started, but froze when her words registered.  
Rule #1: Never draw cat whiskers on your own face. It was just sad. But you didn't have a best friend, and your mom... No. Not like this.  
"Draw?" your mom sounded confused now. "I'm not doing your homework for you, (Y/N)." "No, it's... Never mind. I got it. Thanks."  
Shaking her head, your mom walked away. Sliding your bed covers over your head, you gently laid TABINOF on your carpeted bedroom floor. You knew that a lot of people in the world had worse lives than you did. People starving, people with diseases and conditions. But sometimes you just felt like you were meant for something more.


	2. Snowy London (Dan)

You opened your eyes to the sound of a familiar British accent saying your name repeatedly. "(Y/N). (Y/N)! God, I'm not one for getting up early, but you've been literally sleeping all day!" Your fuddled mind struggled to register that voice, so comforting to you that you knew it as well as your own- but why was it saying your name?  
Your eyes shot open, and you instantly realized your mistake as they were pierced by the too-bright mid-afternoon light. You made a little distressed noise that sounded something like, "Gah," as you hid your face in the blanket.  
"(Y/N)-" the voice calling your name laughed slightly. "What **are** you doing?! You look like a turtle."  
Were you still dreaming? You slowly removed the blanket from your face, realizing that it bore a soft plaid pattern, instead of the old, heavy blanket you were used to.  
You cautiously looked up and into one of the two most beautiful faces you'd ever seen.  
Dan Howell stared into your (e/c) eyes, his brown and full of laughter. A wide and adorable smile was also spread across his face as he began gently trying to tug the blanket away from you. Perfectly in shock, you let the fabric slip from between your fingers easily.  
Dan threw it off to the side, and realizing you still hadn't moved, looked at you in slight concern. "Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream or something?" You closed your eyes again, figuring you had to still be dreaming- and it certainly wasn't a bad one. But it all felt so real- that blanket, Dan's laugh. You really hoped that he would say your name again.  
"(Y/N)? Are you going back to sleep?" That voice enveloped you in a warmth that was deeper than sleep. There was no way this was a dream.  
You opened your eyes slowly this time, and Dan startled a bit. "Are you ready now? Believe me, I want to go back to sleep too, or even just sit here and stare at Tumblr all day, but we said we'd go meet some friends for breakfast. Remember? Or lunch, really. They might have already gone home. If we decide to just stay here and not move, do you think that makes us hermits?"  
Dan's long spiel was finally starting to wake you up and bring you to your senses. You opened your mouth to start speaking, but ended up coughing a little. It felt like you hadn't used your voice for days. "Where am I?" you finally asked. Dan smiled. "What did you have to drink before bed last night? Our flat. London. England. Earth. What do you mean, where are you?"  
"Our flat?" your eyes widened. "Y-you're Dan Howell."  
"Am I really?" he joked. "I could be his doppelgänger. And you could be (y/f/n) (y/l/n)'s doppelgänger. I guess we never really know..." He waved his hands about, doing a strange jazz hands to signify spookiness.  
"But- I was just in my bed. Where's my mom? I don't-"  
Dan grabbed for your hand, and you let out a small squeaking noise. "You fell asleep on the couch last night. Relax. What's wrong?"  
"But how did you- how did I- OHMYGOD you're Dan Howell."  
You threw yourself at one of your two favorite YouTubers in a major hug. Dan froze, a bit surprised, before hugging you back. "We've known each other forever, (Y/N). Just because I'm starting to become more famous on YouTube and because of the book doesn't mean you have to act all weird when you see me, okay?" "Mm-hm," you nodded, barely listening, and lightly ran your fingers through Dan's dark brown hair. He pulled back slightly. "What the heck are you doing?"  
"I'm just- I'm sorry, I'm so happy to finally meet you. You and Phil have changed my life so much, and-" Tears began to gather in the corners of your eyes, and you lifted a hand to your face to keep them from spilling.  
Dan smiled at you, and slowly removed your other hand from the top of his head. "Is this some kind of prank? 'Dan's all famous now, so let me pretend to be his number one fan?' Good one."  
A few tears trickled onto your face- tears of happiness and slight confusion, but Dan interpreted them differently and frowned. "You're being really strange. I'll make fun of you for it later, but that's not what you need right now." He wrapped you in another hug, and when you'd finally managed to relax, he helped you up from the couch.  
"I'll make you some food, and we'll stay home today, maybe play some video games. Sound good? I'll tell the others you're feeling sick, and- oh. OH." Dan stared at you as if he'd just had a revelation, and nodded wisely. "This is one of those girl things, right? I bet that's what it is. Did I guess right?"  
Unable to think of another good explanation quickly enough, you decided to roll with that one. "Yep. One of those girl things. I'd apologize, but I won't, because I'm a girl. Deal with it."  
Dan rose his hands up in a surrendering position. "Okay, okay. I didn't complain about it!"  
Your adorable nerd began sifting through the refrigerator for food and bent down to look on the bottom shelf, being 6 foot something and much too tall for this fridge.  
"We don't have much... I think there's some Mac and Cheese in a box in the back. Want that?" "Kraft?" you said instantly. "Of course?" "Then yes."  
While Dan started boiling water, you tried to understand how you'd gotten to Dan and Phil's flat. You'd gone right to sleep last night, and despite what Dan thought, hadn't been drinking or eating anything weird. Maybe your new medication was making you wacky?  
But still, how could you have gotten from America to London in a day? You were in London, right?  
You walked to a nearby window and peered outside. There was some frost on the glass and you cleared it away with your sleeve, briefly reminiscing when you'd been younger and would write your name backwards on windows so people could read it.  
You let out a slight gasp at the city around you. You'd never been to London- saving up for college didn't exactly leave you and your mom with a lot of money for traveling - but you'd always wanted to go.  
You knew that people who lived in London complained that it rained too much or was gross when it snowed, but you'd always liked snow in a busy city. It covered everyone's irritation and hustle bustle with a blanket of peacefulness.  
Dan noticed your gasp and turned. "I know. It snowed again. I'm kind of glad we're not going out, tbh."  
You shook your head. "You're so pessimistic. It's pretty." "I figured you'd say that. Knowing you, you'll go out and make snow angels in it."  
You rolled your eyes. "I said it's pretty, not that I want to get all cold and wet."  
You realized that you were bantering with Dan as if he'd been your best friend for years. You'd figured that if you ever met him you two would get along. Of course, you never would have thought that you'd end up with him in his apartment. Maybe you'd fantasized about it, but it couldn't be a reality.  
Except now, it was.  
Oh God, you never wanted to leave. Life here would be so much better than at home. You could live with Dan and Phil, and start your life over, and get to see London.  
Working with these two amazing YouTubers, who were practically experts in all things film and video, could give you a head start on your film writing as well. Maybe you could even write for them- a documentary about the lives of Dan and Phil?  
You turned and headed into the kitchen, looking around at the table and counters that you'd memorized from the maps in TABINOF and from all of the baking videos.  
"Here," Dan gently slid a small bowl to you across the counter. "Help yourself, I'm gonna grab a video game. What do you want to play?"  
This was like a dream come true. You'd always wanted to sit and play video games with Dan, preferably cuddled up on his lap...  
And yet- you were in London. You didn't want to miss this opportunity.  
"Anything," you said, dumping some Mac and Cheese in your bowl. _I'll do anything with you,_ you wanted to add. "And after that, could we maybe-"  
Dan let out an exaggerated sigh. "Don't tell me. You want to go walk out in the snow, and look at the city and the leftover Christmas lights. Which requires me to put on a coat, and move, and walk for a long distance. Are you going to make me do all of that?"  
You grinned. It was like he'd read your mind. "Yup."  
"Fine. But only because you're looking at me like that."  
Your face turned slightly pink. "Like what?" "Like I'm the most amazing person in the world."  
You averted your eyes. "Am I looking at you like that?"  
Dan laughed. "Okay. You inhale food. I'll be back." He headed down the hallway to his room.  
"Make sure you turn the lights on in there! Wouldn't want the monsters in the dark to get you!" you shouted sarcastically. "It's the middle of the day!" he yelled back.  
You smiled and wondered vaguely where Phil was. Maybe out getting groceries? It was weird of Dan not to mention him- at least in his videos, he could barely go a few minutes without bringing up his best friend's name.  
Dan returned with Portal, luckily a game that you'd played before, and waved it at you. "We can do the co-op." You sighed. "You're going to do way better than me. I can barely figure out the controls on there."  
Dan gave you a smirk and one of his signature winks. "I know. That's why I picked it." It took you a few moments to remember how to breathe.  
Did friends do that? Did they just wink at each other? Well, it appeared that Dan did, and you certainly didn't mind.  
You finally managed to come back with a retort. "An easy victory is no fun. C'mon."  
"You like Portal."  
"Yea... Okay, fine. Maybe if I try really hard, by some miracle, I'll do well." Dan chuckled. "You wish. Don't worry, I'll help you a little."  
Dan grabbed himself a bowl of food. "By the way, do you usually eat all of this Mac and Cheese by yourself? Phil hates cheese, so he won't eat it," you remarked. "You can't love it that much."  
"No, but you love it, (Y/N). You're the one who buys it all. Who's Phil?"  
You choked on a noodle.  
Dan looked at you with worry and confusion on his face. "I mean it. Are you making up imaginary friends again, or is this someone you met online?"  
"You've forgotten about Phil? Oh no, are you sick?" you said jokingly, thinking that he was kidding. "You must have a fever." You reached up to put a hand on his forehead. "Philip Lester. You know, only your best friend."  
Dan ruffled your hair. "As far as I know, you're my only best friend."  
You finally began to understand what was happening. "Dan, are you serious? Where's Phil?"  
"(Y/N), I honestly don't know anyone named Phil. You were really weird this morning and I thought maybe you were better... Are you having some kind of relapse?"  
You whipped out your phone, luckily still in your pocket where you usually kept it. You nearly elbowed Dan in the process. "Hey!" he said in surprise, setting down his bowl of food.  
"Sorry-" you paused and looked up into Dan's eyes, trying to see if he was any different from the Dan you knew and loved in your videos. He didn't really- same gorgeous face and eyes, with just a bit more sadness in them.  
No way. This could not be happening.  
You quickly googled Danisnotonfire, which popped up instantly along with some pictures of your YouTuber- but none of Phil. You scrolled through his page, seeing some of your favorite videos, but also some new and strange ones that you'd never seen. And you'd seen everything Dan had.  
The search for DanAndPhilGames produced no results. Your whole world was turning upside-down. You next searched for The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire, and found nothing. Was Phil alive? Had he ever existed? You searched AmazingPhil, and felt instant relief as his channel appeared. "Here- see. Your best friend, Phil Lester." You frantically waved your phone at Dan.  
There was no spark of recognition in his eyes. He wasn't joking. He didn't know Phil. "Oh yea, I've seen that guy. He's pretty cool, and likes some of the same video games that we do, I think."  
You stood up and shook Dan's shoulders. "You've seen **that guy?!** What is that supposed to mean?! It's Phil! Oh God. Is this my fault? No! The world needs Dan and Phil!"  
Dan looked stressed out. "Relax. (Y/N), I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."  
You googled the Phandom. Nothing appeared. You tried Phangirls. Nothing. Dan and Phil fans. Nope.  
What were you going to do?! Some of your only friends were on YouTube, members of the Phandom that you'd bonded with. So many people would be devastated and broken without the Phandom.  
But Dan was here, and Phil was clearly still okay. So this could be fixed. Dan thought you were his best friend, so- had you taken Phil's place?  
**********************************  
You'd been lying face-down on the couch for the past five minutes. It wasn't a very comfortable position, with your face smushed into the cushions, but it blocked out this crazy world and helped you think.  
Dan had been pacing over you and worriedly asking questions since the moment you'd put yourself in that position.  
"Are you having an existential crisis? I get that all the time. Just try to breathe, and don't think," he said.  
"Actually, do think. Think about video games and snow and fun. Don't worry about the future... It'll fall into place. I think. But don't listen to my advice."  
"But, Dan," you mumbled, your voice muffled by the cushion, "I think I might've screwed something up. I think there was something that was supposed to happen, two people who were supposed to meet, and I got in the way. And I don't know what to do."  
You felt the weight on the couch shift as Dan carefully sat near you. He moved your legs so that they were resting on top of him. You slowly sat up, and stared at him for a minute. That extra sadness in his eyes... It had to be because Phil wasn't around. You cuddled into his side and breathed in deeply.  
"It's started snowing again," Dan commented, and you lifted your head to look outside. "Let's go for a walk."  
You managed to smirk. "I thought you hated exercise."  
"Yep. But this is for you."  
Dan was awesome. He didn't even question why you'd started ranting to him about Phil, some guy he'd never even met. Your heart twisted at those words. _Never even met._  
You had to fix this, but until you figured out how... You were in Dan's life. And you couldn't call yourself a Phangirl if you didn't say that you were going to enjoy it.

You and Dan had decided to save Portal for another time, a time when you were less "spastic and insane", as Dan was calling you. You'd blamed it on hormonal mood swings again. It was kind of convenient to be a girl and have an excuse like that always on hand.  
You didn't have your professional video camera along, which upset you slightly because you wanted high-quality footage of London.  
But your phone camera would have to do.  
You made sure to capture the expressions of some of the strange people who rushed past. Yes, the city was beautiful, and you definitely made sure to zoom in on the London Eye and some of the large buildings.  
But the people were really what made the city so exciting.  
You now understood some of Dan's videos about strange people that he'd seen on the subway or in the city. You made sure to zoom in on Dan every once in a while too, sometimes scaring him with your close proximity when he was facing the other way.  
About the third time you'd gotten up close to his face, Dan sighed. "Seriously, (Y/N). Get some good video of the city and the snow. You see me every day."  
_If only,_ you thought to yourself.  
At about 9:00, the two of you headed home. You shook your head slightly, shocked that you'd allowed yourself to think of Dan's flat as home. It sure felt more like home than your home did. But could you really make this work, living in this strange universe where Dan and Phil were apart?  
How would you go to school? What was your story here- how had you ended up living with Dan? You were still the same age, a junior in high school. You had to have parents somewhere.  
You took a deep breath, as Dan had taught you. You didn't want to ruin how amazing this day had been for you. Or an amazing dream, if it was that. You could feel the snow falling in your hair, and feel Dan's skin as his hand accidentally brushed yours. But it just felt so surreal.  
When the two of you reached the flat, Dan quickly assumed his browsing position, his laptop open on his lap.  
You sat near him on the couch, but far enough away that he couldn't see what you were doing, and got to work on your phone.  
You researched both Dan and Phil's channels, noting the differences in their videos and the slight differences in their appearances. Phil still hated cheese and loved anime. It made you smile to know that your cinnamon roll was still an adorable fluff.  
You looked up your own name on the Internet, which you'd done a few times before anyway, just to laugh at the few pictures that popped up of people who weren't you.  
You were shocked to instead see an unfamiliar YouTube channel bearing your name, with a number of subscribers. It was your channel, but looked nothing like the one you knew and browsed on every day. It had hundreds of videos, little clips of movie ideas that you'd had but never actually made.  
Apparently in this universe you were much farther along your career path.  
That just made you feel bad about your normal life and the very few goals that you'd reached.  
You noted that some of the videos were co-made with Dan, and there was some beautiful footage of London, much like the kind you'd gotten today.  
"Dan!" you shouted, forgetting that he was practically sitting right next to you. He flinched slightly. "Don't scream, do you think I'm deaf?"  
"Sorry. Where's my camera? My professional one?"  
You were going out on a limb here, but Dan **had** said you lived here. **Our** flat, he'd said. Was all of your stuff here too?  
"Probably in your room. I was wondering why you used your cruddy phone camera today."  
You stood up quickly, almost giving yourself a head rush, and raced down the hallway. You stopped at the door across from Dan's room. This was Phil's room.  
You should open the door, and see anime merchandise and a familiar green and blue checkered bed sheet. You knew it wouldn't be there, and almost couldn't bear to look in the room knowing that.  
You opened the door slowly.  
It was your room.  
Your room, exactly as it was at home, but fit into the differently shaped space where Phil's room should be. You weren't sure whether to shout for joy or cry. Maybe you really were having hormonal problems.  
Phil should be here. And yet... Your life here, with Dan, was perfect. You could be so much happier and so much more successful.  
You walked to your dresser, picked up your video camera, and began looking at the footage.  
There were recordings on here that you'd never seen. You and Dan playing video games, walking through London, bantering about random topics. It was amazing, and also made you feel so, so wrong.  
Figuring that Dan might wonder why you'd taken off so fast towards your own bedroom, you headed back to the lounge with your camera in hand.  
Dan looked up to acknowledge your presence, but quickly turned back, absorbed in whatever he was doing.  
"Hey, can you take a look at this, (Y/N)?" You moved closer to your YouTuber. "What's up?"  
"I'm working on a few pages for that new film guide thing that I'm writing. Wanna check it over?"  
You scanned the paper. "This is the book you mentioned earlier? The book that's making you famous?" Dan frowned. "Yes, I've written a few film and video game guides. You knew that. Does it look okay?"  
You nodded sadly. "Yea, I think it looks nice."  
That's right. You'd momentarily forgotten: No Dan and Phil, no TABINOF.  
"Okay, cool. What are you doing, then?" "Um, probably going to do some video editing."  
". . . Don't you need your laptop for that?" "Right!" You quickly went back to your room, your socked feet sliding on the floor as you rounded the corner and practically bashed into the door. "Ow," you said loudly. "Don't break my door, genius!" Dan called out. "Aw, thanks for checking after my well-being. You're the best," you said sarcastically.  
You found your laptop in its usual place and headed back to the couch, where you began uploading your video footage. Done researching his and Phil's channels, you could now sit close to Dan and you did sit as closely as possible. He didn't seem to mind, didn't even comment when you tiredly rested your head against his.  
"How are you tired? You slept the whole day," he finally murmured, his voice vibrating in your ear. "Not sure, but I am," you mumbled, stifling a yawn. You felt a sudden surge of panic. What if you went to sleep, and woke up, and this had never happened?  
But you were so tired... Had someone drugged you with a sleeping pill? You mentioned this thought tiredly to Dan. He laughed slightly, and pushed your hair out of your eyes. "Well, don't worry. Whoever it is, I'll track them down and kick their butt with my video game skills." You grinned sleepily. "You kicking someone's butt for real? That's a funny thought."  
"Hey! I could totally do it!"  
"Uh-huh."  
Before you knew it, you'd fallen asleep on Dan's shoulder.


	3. Cookie Dough (Phil)

The next morning, you woke up slowly. You blinked the blurriness of sleep out of your eyes and yawned. You felt a bit weird. Had you remembered to take your medication last night? But no, you hadn't, because last night had been different. The events of yesterday came back to you in a flash.  
You had been in Dan Howell's flat. You had been in a world where there was no "Dan and Phil". And you'd fallen asleep on Dan.  
You were sitting on a couch- were you still in Dan's flat? This time, however, you were covered in a blue blanket that was patterned with Pokeballs. The plaid blanket that you remembered from yesterday was nowhere to be seen. You looked around, observing your surroundings before you dared to stand up.  
The layout of the building was still the same. You were still in Dan and Phil's flat. But you noticed some slight differences. The carpeting was a different color from what you remembered yesterday. The TV was bigger. The window was cleaner. Had Dan remodeled the house while you were asleep?  
"I don't understand," you mumbled to yourself, and felt for your phone in your pocket. You checked the time- 8:45 in the morning.  
You unlocked your phone and checked your camera roll. The footage that you'd taken yesterday of London was all missing. You frowned. What was going on?  
You finally worked up the nerve to stand up, the Pokeball blanket wrapped around you like a cocoon. "DAN?!" you called out loudly. "Were you messing with my phone? And what happened to the carpeting?"  
"(Y/N)?" a familiar voice called back. It wasn't Dan's voice, but it was just as familiar. The man who appeared in the doorway to the kitchen was six foot two, with black hair swept to the right side of his forehead, and bright green-blue eyes. "I'm Phil. Did you forget?" he asked with a smile. "Who's Dan, by the way?"  
Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. You were meeting both of your heroes within two days of each other. This was too much for your poor little heart to handle.  
"I'm just... Going to die now," you said, and slowly sunk to the floor, wrapping the blanket over your head.  
"What?! No!" Phil cried out in concern, rushing over. He lifted you up off the floor and maneuvered you back over to the couch fairly easily. "(Y/N), are you sick?" he asked, worry laced in his voice. "Can I get you something? Do you want tea, or, um..." he tried to think of what else you might like. "Cookies! I could bake you cookies!"  
You peeked your head out from under your blanket. Phil's gorgeous eyes were staring directly into yours. Just the idea of your little cinnamon roll trying to figure out how to bake cookies and deciding which flavor you would like best brought a huge smile to your face. He looked quite proud of himself for thinking of the idea, too. "That's what you want. I can tell. Okay, I'm going to make you cookies!" Phil said excitedly.  
"Phil- Phil, wait-" you had started laughing, and it took a moment for you to form your sentence correctly. "I'm not- I'm not sick, I promise. I was just... A little surprised to see you, that's all." Phil looked at you in confusion. "Why? Where did you think I'd be? I'll always be here." You felt your heart melting at that.  
"I know you will, Phil," you said confidently, and stood up again to hug him. Phil tensed for a moment, and then you felt him pulling you in closer.  
When you eventually pulled back, you worked up the courage to ask the question that you were dreading the answer to. "Phil, please tell me you know Dan Howell."  
Phil looked up in thought. "Actually, I do. His YouTube name is Danisnotonfire." Relief rushed through you. "Oh thank goodness. And you guys are best friends, right?" Phil shook his head. "We've never met. But he seems nice enough."  
Your heart shattered. "I have to fix this. Phil, you and Dan have to meet."  
Phil smiled. "Why? I already have a best friend. And no one could ever replace you, (Y/N). Unless..." Phil squinted at you suspiciously. "You're not trying to set me up with this Dan Howell, are you?"  
You burst out laughing. As always, Phil knew how to make you laugh when you needed it the most.  
"Um... Well... I..." you sighed. How could you explain this whole dilemma to Phil when you didn't even understand it yourself?  
"I just think you two would be good friends. That's all."  
Phil shrugged. "Well, if it means that much to you, maybe we could try to find him at the next YouTube convention." You gasped. "Oh, Phil, that's a great idea! What's the next con that's in London?" You began jumping up and down with excitement.  
Phil stared at you questioningly for a moment, and then started jumping up and down too. "I don't know! But we can find out! I also don't know why we're jumping, but if you're happy, I'm happy!"  
You nodded determinedly. "I'm going to fix this! If it's the last thing I do, you two will meet each other!"  
**********************************  
After you'd calmed down and convinced Phil that you really weren't sick, you carefully asked questions to learn about your life with Phil. Firstly, you needed to figure out why you were living with him. It was obvious that in this universe- alternate universe, parallel universe, whatever it was- you were his best friend. But was your mom alive? Where did you go to school?  
The two of you were cuddled up on the couch, and decided to watch anime for a little while. It was Sword Art Online, the first half of the first season- in other words, the only good part of the anime.  
Once you'd finished the first episode and were switching to the second one, you let out an exaggerated sigh. "I really love doing this with you, Phil. I don't want to go back to school after winter break." You looked at him expectantly. Phil turned to you and smiled. "I know. But as your legal guardian, I have to make sure you go to school! Believe me, I'd rather sit here with you and watch anime all year long, too. But one day you'll be done with school and we can work on YouTube full time."  
You turned away and nodded to yourself. So Phil was legally taking care of you. But why?  
"Hm, I wonder how my mom is doing," you mentioned casually. Phil looked at you quickly, pure shock on his face. "I don't know, (Y/N). You never want to talk about her. But she did let you come and live with me. I bet she's a good lady."  
"Yea, I bet," you said absentmindedly.  
You dropped the subject after that. You still had a lot to figure out about this weird world. It would take time.  
Once you'd finished about three more episodes of SAO, you'd had a new idea.  
"Phiiiiiil," you said. "Do you remember how you mentioned cookies earlier?" Phil turned to you and grinned. "Yes? Are you saying you want me to make you cookies now?" You nodded. "Yes, but I think we both should. And whoever makes the best cookies gets to eat the most of them." "Why are we turning this into a competition? You know I'll lose!" Phil complained.  
"Oh, c'mon. You have a lot in common with cookies. Like you're sweet, and warm, and huggable."  
Phil raised an eyebrow. "Cookies are huggable?" "Okay, maybe not. But you are!" You launched yourself at him in a cuddle attack.  
"Let's go!"  
You made chocolate chip, of course. It's a classic, and despite amazing flavors like mNm or fudge brownie, nothing truly beats good ole chocolate chip.  
Being the dorks that you were and having limited baking experience, the two of you had to look up a recipe online. You did most of the mixing and locating of the ingredients, while Phil spent most of his time arranging the chocolate chips into smiley faces.  
Phil reached over you to pop some chocolate chips in his mouth, and you reached the other way to grab the melon baller.  
You ended up pressed against his chest with his arms around you, and you froze in a moment of utter panic.  
"Uh- sorry, Phil-"  
He turned you around to face him and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead. "Sorry for what?" You felt your face turn bright red. Clearly Phil felt comfortable enough with you as a friend to kiss you. But for you, he was still a major crush.  
He stared at you for a moment, and then dipped his finger in cookie dough. "Hey!" you protested. "Save that for the actual cookies." He promptly swiped it across your nose. "Gotcha."  
"Did you really think I'd complain about cookie dough on my face?" you asked, eagerly swiping it off with your own finger and then licking at it. "Cookie dough is literally edible heaven."  
"We should probably put the cookies in the oven before we just eat them raw," Phil commented. You nodded, and continued eating the raw cookie dough. "Right. You do that, then."

The cookies weren't perfect. They came out a little lopsided, and a little awkward, but it made them unique. Kind of like you and Phil. Besides, they still tasted amazing. The two of you devoured them while Phil put on (your favorite movie). You'd decided that you'd both put equal effort into making the cookies, so you tied in the contest and split them up evenly.

You weren't sure if it was the warm gooey-ness of the chocolate chips, or just the fact that you felt comfortable and safe with Phil sitting beside you, but you began to feel tired again. You struggled to keep your eyes open and at least get to your favorite part of the movie. But Phil pulled you closer to him and murmured in a low voice, "It's okay. You can go to sleep." How could you possibly resist that?  
You looked up at Phil one last time, trying to memorize his features and the way his hair fell into his beautiful eyes. You didn't want to leave this amazing life. But the need to close your eyes took over and you lay your head down in Phil's lap. He stroked your hair silently as you blacked out.


	4. Not A Coffee Girl (Dan)

You came to in your own bed this time, and sat up in fear. Was that it? You were back home, and your adventures with your heroes were over? You weren't sure if you could just go back to your cruelly ordinary life after that.  
As your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you realized that the room was shaped differently. You were still in the flat, with either Dan or Phil. You'd fallen asleep on both of them. Who would you wake up with?  
To be honest, you weren't sure yet who you'd prefer to be with. Both Dan and Phil were amazing in their own ways, but every member of the Phandom has to admit that they like one of the two better- even if it's just a tiny bit!  
Right now you were just so overwhelmed by meeting both of them, and Phil kissing you on the forehead, and Dan winking at you (which is just as sexual as any kiss.)  
You hugged your pillow in frustration, and took a few deep breaths. You really shouldn't be thinking about which one of your YouTubers you liked more. The important thing was to figure out how to get home- even though you didn't really want to get home. And when you weren't focusing on getting home, you needed to focus on getting Dan and Phil back together.  
Separating Dan and Phil was unthinkable. It was like peanut butter without jelly. Cats without cat whiskers. A fangirl without her fandoms!  
You stood from your bed and went to the window, pushing the curtains back. It wasn't snowing anymore, and instead the streets were filled with ugly, grey slush. People, all clad in depressing shades of black or grey, sloshed through it on their way to work. A couple of people were out shoveling, scarves wrapped tightly around their faces as they carelessly flung snow into their neighbors' yards.  
You removed your hands from the window, shivering as the cold on your fingers traveled through the rest of your body. Besides, it was just plain cold in your room. You needed to find the heat and crank it up higher.  
You also needed to figure out if you were currently staying with Dan or Phil so you knew who to expect when you walked out into the hallway.  
You glanced at yourself in the mirror as you headed to the door, and froze. Oh no. No way you were facing either Dan or Phil looking like this. Your hair was a disheveled mess and your pajamas were lopsided. You didn't remember putting on pajamas in either the Dan or Phil Universe. You hoped that neither of them had dressed you... You shook your head, trying to clear it of any dirty thoughts.  
You brushed through the tangled knots of your (h/c) hair, and looked around your room for something suitable to wear.  
You ended up putting on black jeans and a comfortable flannel.  
You moved stealthily towards the door, but it creaked unnecessarily and ruined your plan to sneak up on either Dan or Phil.  
After that, you hit your foot on the door stopper, tripped, and sprawled out into the hallway. You muttered a word that your mother would not have approved of.  
"(Y/N). You're up, I see." You looked up at Dan, who was standing over you with his hands on his hips, looking smug. "Yea, yea. Thanks for that, Dan," you said sarcastically, when what you really meant to say was, "I'm so glad to see you."  
You didn't exactly have a way with words.  
"So, I'm going to guess that you want to lounge around and spend all day on the Internet today. Right?" Dan asked. You gave him a half-hearted thumbs up, and finally gathered yourself up from the floor. "You got it. Why? Isn't that what you want to do?"  
Dan nodded. "Of course. But... We got invited to go somewhere today. And since we canceled with friends yesterday..."  
You tuned Dan out for a moment so that you could think. Only one day had passed in the Dan universe- the Daniverse. So what was happening in the Phil universe- the Philiverse? Were you still asleep? This was all very confusing. You'd never believed in parallel universes or any of that, but it seemed like you were currently stuck in between two.  
"...(Y/N)?" Dan was staring at you expectantly. "What? Huh? Sorry. I zoned out."  
"No problem, you know I do it all the time," Dan said with a sad laugh. "I said, Louise wants to meet us at Starbucks to catch up. We haven't seen her in a while. I know you're good friends with her- and it'll just be the three of us. Not, like, a huge crowd or anything. No need for social anxiety. What do you say?"  
You perked up at this immediately. Louise, also known on YouTube as Sprinkleofglitter, was super cool. You'd watched all of her collabs with Dan and Phil and you loved her advice on fashion and makeup.  
"Yea! I'd love to meet up with Louise!" you said, sitting up excitedly.  
Dan nodded to himself. "Great. Because if you didn't, we might have to get you signed up for a social group. You really have no friends."  
"I have you," you protested. "That's true," Dan said with a wink, extending a hand to help you up. "You've always got me, (Y/N)." He yanked you up and towards him, brown eyes boring into yours, grinning at you like he knew a secret. His face was inches from yours, and you wondered how he would react if you were to lean forward and close the distance between the two of you.  
Just as you were about to close your eyes and go for it, he turned and headed towards the kitchen.  
"Dan!" you called out. "Why do you do that?!"  
"Do what?" he called back, acting oblivious. Was he acting? Did he really not know that nearly every movement he made could be taken flirtatiously?  
"You just... You're so... Never mind."  
"Are you eating breakfast before we go?" Dan asked. "Although it's nearly lunch time. Again." You shrugged. "Nah, I'll get a donut or something at Starbucks."

The walk to the Starbucks a few blocks down wasn't very long, but Dan complained nearly every step of the way. "(Y/N)," he whined. "Carry me." "Are you crazy? C'mon! We're almost there. I think."  
You weren't very good at waking up in the morning, but once you were outside and your senses were cleared, you felt better. So now, naturally, it was Dan's turn to complain. "Carry me or I will put snow in your hood," he said jokingly. "Hey! You can't threaten me, you big nerd!" "I take that as a compliment." "I know. It was one."  
Before long, the two of you reached Starbucks. Dan went in first, holding the door open for you, and you inhaled the strong scent of coffee. You'd never been much of a coffee drinker, as you preferred tea, but the scent was appealing nonetheless.  
Walking in to the coffee shop made you think of Phil. He loved coffee.  
You glanced at Dan, wondering if he was thinking the same thing. Then you remembered that he wouldn't be thinking of Phil at all. Your heart twisted, and you vowed to get working on your plan to reunite them.  
Dan put a hand on your shoulder to get your attention, and you turned. He motioned towards the back of the shop. "Hey, look. That must be a new addition." You looked where Dan was pointing and saw beautiful, wooden bookshelves overfilling with books. Your jaw dropped.  
You'd seen bookstores like Barnes & Noble that had Starbucks in them, but never a Starbucks with a mini library in it.  
You headed towards the shelves with your arms extended, in a trance-like state. "They're so beautiful," you breathed, and when you heard a laugh behind you, you vaguely noticed Dan had followed you. "I mean, look at this!" You picked up an old book, the pages yellowed and worn. "These have to be antiques!" They had modern books too. You reached for _City of Bones_ , thumbing through it and bringing the book to your face so that you could smell the pages. The book scent combined with the strong smell of coffee brought you back to a place you'd never been. It smelled like home, like friends and family sharing stories and sipping warm drinks. It smelled like somewhere that you belonged.  
You giggled when you noticed that Dan was just as enthralled by the books, running his hands along the spines. "Dan. Where's Louise?" He snapped out of his trance. "What? Oh. I guess she's not here yet. I'll go get some... Ugh, I don't want coffee. I'm getting tea. Hot chocolate for you?" You smiled. Dan knew your favorite drink. "Yep! You know me too well." As Dan wandered towards the front counter, towering above all the other Starbucks customers, you turned back to the books.  
You wondered how you and Dan had become such close friends over just two days. Of course, Dan had known you much longer, in his universe. In the Daniverse. And maybe, for you, it just felt longer because you'd been watching Dan and Phil for years.  
There was a little ache in your heart again as you thought of Phil. You remembered his smile when he offered to bake you cookies. He'd smelled like chocolate for hours after you'd finished baking. It was nice.  
"Hey!" You turned around in confusion at the sound of a rough voice. Your heart stopped in fear.  
A very muscular, very tall man stood behind you. He was still shorter than Dan, but it looked like weight-lifting was his hobby. Or maybe wrestling. Or murder. He had a thick mustache and was much older than you. This brawny man was the scary type of guy who belonged in a bar, not in a nice coffee shop.  
"You like books, huh?" he asked, nodding at the shelves. You looked at him quizzically. What kind of conversation starter was that? "Yea. I guess so," you replied. "That must make you smart. I like smart girls." You wanted to run away. Your eyes searched around desperately for Dan, but he was right up at the front, ordering.  
"Uh, that's nice. Look, sir, I'm just here with my friend to get some coffee. Okay?" "Oh, me too, me too," he said, clearly not getting the hint.  
You turned to go, when you felt his hand on your arm. "I just want to talk to you. I won't hurt you. What's your name? Maybe I could buy you a cappuccino?" he asked, his rough voice grating to your ears.  
You looked at the people sitting at nearby tables. A couple of them noticed what was going on, but they quickly turned back to their books or newspapers. In that moment, you hated people. You hated people for never wanting to get involved in things. And you hated men like mustache guy for coming on to girls who just wanted to look at books.  
Suddenly, Dan's voice came from behind mustache man. "Excuse me. What do you think you're doing?" His voice was almost at a growl. He held tea and hot chocolate in both hands. Mustache man turned to him confidently, but froze when he saw that Dan stood several heads taller than him. Dan set the drinks down meaningfully. There was no way Dan Howell would fight this guy. But in that moment, his brown eyes flecked with fury, he sure looked like he was about to.  
Dan moved towards you and pulled you into him. You grasped at him like you were drowning and he was a life saver. You found that you were shaking. Dan noticed, and now he wasn't just angry. He was furious. "What's wrong with you? This isn't a bar," he snapped at the man. "Besides, she doesn't like cappuccino. Who likes coffee anyway? This is London."  
In that moment, in that moment that you hated all people, and especially hated mustache man...  
You loved Dan Howell.  
The man nodded and mumbled something about how wrong he was, clearly intimidated by Dan's height. Dan picked the drinks back up and led you to a table. "God, (Y/N), I'm sorry. Are you okay?" You nodded, absolutely relieved and still a bit shaken up. "You saved my life," you said with sudden realization. "I guess you really can kick some butt." Hey, I didn't kick anyone's butt," Dan replied. "I'm just protecting someone I love." You felt your eyes widen in shock. Did he just say love? Did he mean... Friend love, or something else? Love was a strong word. Dan averted his eyes, and you could decipher no more meaning from his words.  
You were breathing a bit easier now, sipping at your hot chocolate and letting Dan talk at you to soothe your jumpy nerves.  
After about fifteen more minutes, Louise came rushing through the door, and made a beeline for your table. "Sorry I'm late!" she said, setting down her sparkly pink purse, which was in perfect coordination with her pink skirt and lipstick. You grinned up at her. "Hi Louise!" She wasn't your hero like Dan and Phil, but she was still super famous, and someone that you admired. You were shocked that the three of you could be out in a public place like Starbucks without getting asked for autographs. Louise ordered tea for herself, and caught you and Dan up on her adventures. She was the same Louise that you were used to from YouTube, and she and Dan talked over each other and laughed awkwardly about the same things. You were happily an observer of the conversation, just watching the way that the two interacted. It made you sad that they never mentioned Phil, but it didn't seem like Louise knew him either, at least not here in the Daniverse.  
You sipped carefully at your hot chocolate, and every once in a while you noticed that Dan's eyes would flit over to you. He never broke conversation with Louise, and always responded to her appropriately. But for whatever reason, he would decide to just go and stare at you like you were his favorite thing to look at.  
Sometimes you stared back, but mostly you looked away and felt your face turn red. Why did he insist on tormenting you like this?  
Finally, Louise pulled you into the conversation by asking, "So (Y/N), how have you been? Haven't heard from you in a while, girly." "Oh, you know, the usual," you replied. "We should hang out sometime. I want a real life makeup tutorial." Louise brightened at this. "Yea, totally! I have some eyeshadow colors that would look great on you." Dan looked back and forth between the two of you as this conversation took place, clearly confused. "Do you want eyeshadow too, Dan?" you asked jokingly. "No shame if you do. Or eyeliner. Eyeliner can look nice on a guy." Louise nodded in agreement. Dan laughed at the two of you. "Thanks for trying to get me involved, but I don't need any makeup." "You're right, you're already beautiful," you teased.  
After spending a few hours in Starbucks, you and Dan said your farewells to Louise and started home. "Dan, what do you think about the concept of alternate universes?" you asked as you started the walk home. It was as good of a time as any to broach the subject. "(Y/N). Oh, no. Not you too. The Illuminati will get you! You can't let them know that you've discovered their secret!" You laughed. "No, but seriously. What do you think? Is it a possibility?"  
Dan shrugged. "As possible as anything, I guess. As possible as aliens or portals to other worlds or magic. We never really know."  
You nodded. "That's a good outlook. I like that."  
You, for one, were now certain that alternate universes existed. Did that mean magic existed too? Who knew. This felt like a type of magic, in a way. It was certainly magical to be walking down the street next to your long-time hero, Dan Howell. But how long would the magic last? Could you prolong it? ... Should you?


	5. Cuddly Friends (Phil)

You were calm as you headed into the kitchen the next morning. You knew that you were in the Philiverse. At least these alternate universes had picked up a pattern- it seemed that you switched between the Daniverse and Philiverse every other day. You still weren't sure why. Was there a purpose to you being in these universes? As of right now, it just seemed like you were messing things up. You remembered seeing stories on the Internet about how people's lives had been saved by the Phandom. Those people were probably suffering now. Was it your fault?  
You tossed these thoughts around in your head for a while until you were thoroughly stressed out. You decided you would enjoy life with Dan and Phil for a little while longer. Any other phan would do the same thing in your place. Today you wore brighter colors- blue jeans and a neon green top. The outfit reminded you of Phil's bedsheets. But even as you thought about Phil, you also thought about Dan. It seemed you couldn't think of one without also conjuring the other's face in your mind. You hoped that life in the Daniverse was running smoothly.  
Phil was already awake, pouring himself some cereal. When he saw you, he grabbed an extra bowl.  
You yawned. "You're so full of energy in the morning, Phil. I don't know how you do it." "It's the sun!" Phil replied almost instantaneously. "You know, the sun provides energy, and it motivates me. Maybe I'm solar powered." You giggled. "Then I guess I'm star powered because I'm more energetic at night." "Oh, I like night too," Phil replied. "I just like all times of the day." Another yawn escaped your lips. "I wish I could be that optimistic."  
"Well, you will be soon!" Phil said excitedly. "I have a surprise for you." You smiled. "I don't need any surprises. I have everything I need right here." "Okay, if you don't want to know, I won't tell you," Phil said teasingly. "Well now you've piqued my interest so you have to tell me!" you protested. "What is it?"  
Phil reached behind him and picked up two thin slips of paper, which he then placed into your hand. You studied them for a moment before your eyes blurred over with excitement. "Oh my God. Phil. Seriously. Tell me you did not actually do this!"  
"Of course I did," Phil replied. "It's... A late Christmas present! Well, it's kind of a present to myself as well, since I have one too... But I hope you like it!"  
"Are you kidding?! Phil, I love it!"  
You held in your hands two tickets to a Panic! At the Disco concert. Phil had gotten you both front row seats, right behind the mosh pit. You couldn't even imagine how expensive those tickets were. "This is so amazing! But oh gosh, I don't have anything to wear!" You checked the date on the tickets. Tonight at 7:00.  
"Phil! What am I going to wear?" "Relax! You'll look beautiful in anything." You coughed, embarrassed. "Well, not in **anything**..." Phil let his spoon clink down into his cereal, and strode over to you with urgency. He tilted your head up towards him and looked at you with intensity. "Yes. In anything. Why don't you believe that?"  
You tried to remember how to breathe. "Well, I'm not exactly the prettiest girl, you know?" Phil looked physically hurt by your words, as if you'd just slapped him. "(Y/N). I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but when I look at you, I see a beautiful, funny, and kind-hearted girl. Okay?" You nodded, becoming even more embarrassed at the fact that you were now fighting back tears. "Wow. Um, okay."

You searched frantically in your closet for something to wear, but found nothing that was suitable to how you wanted to look. Finally you decided to just wear a Panic! t-shirt and your black jeans. You'd worn these jeans in the Daniverse yesterday, but in the Philiverse they were clean. Weird, but convenient.  
You and Phil had some time to kill before the evening show, although you could barely contain your excitement. The true excitement factor was the thought of seeing the gorgeous and talented Brendon Urie in person. You knew the whole _Death Of A Bachelor_ album by heart, and knew that you'd be singing along at the top of your lungs. Of course, there were also old favorites to look forward to. You knew that Phil's personal favorite was _I Write Sins Not Tragedies_ , along with most other Panic! fans. It was almost impossible not to love the catchy song that first made the band popular.  
"(Y/N), what are you doing?" Phil asked with a laugh as you danced into the kitchen, your headphones in your ears and your Panic! playlist on repeat. "GETTING PUMPED UP!" you shouted, barely able to hear your YouTuber over the music. "Don't you want to get some work done today?" "WHAT?!?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"  
You took the headphones out of your ears. Your voice was already hoarse from shouting, and you wanted to save it so that you could sing later. "I said, maybe you want to get some work done? You know, filming and video stuff. We do have a whole day to waste until the concert," Phil commented.  
You'd been working a lot on filming and editing in the Daniverse, but had barely touched a camera in the Philiverse. You needed to do some catching up.  
"Oh. Right!"   
While you and Dan worked together on video games and comedy routines, you'd found out that in this universe you and Phil worked together on semi-professional movies. You even wrote actual scripts. Your YouTube channel had millions of subscribers, and some pretty good content.  
"Any ideas for our next video?" you asked Phil as you began piling your laptop and video equipment on to the couch.   
"I was thinking comedy, as usual, but with an action twist. Like aliens or something." You broke out into a huge grin. "Aliens?" "Yes, but really silly aliens. Like, all they want to do is come to Earth and steal all of our hamsters." You nodded and wrote some notes on your laptop. "That's brilliant. (Y/N) and Phil, the ultimate hamster protectors."  
"By the way, when are we getting a hamster?" Phil asked, looking at you with pleading ocean eyes. You knew he'd always wanted one. You shrugged. "You got me Panic! tickets. We can get a hamster, if you want." "Yay!" Phil said. "Okay, I was thinking we could get six hamsters. Then we could name them all after ice cream flavors-" "What! Phil, I said one hamster. We can't take care of six!"   
Phil looked absolutely heartbroken, and you just couldn't handle the sad look on his face. "I can't believe this. Okay. Let's get six hamsters."

You named them Oreo, Caramel, Chocolate, Vanilla, Swirl, and Rocky (for Rocky Road.)  
You had to admit that they were cute, but you still couldn't believe that you'd gone into a pet shop with Phil Lester and bought all six hamsters that they had. The pet shop owner seemed convinced that you were trying to breed and sell hamsters. "We're not trying to run a hamster breeding mill here," you tried to explain. "Phil just really loves hamsters."  
By the time you'd purchased them all bedding and a cage big enough to fit, it was starting to get dark out. You'd had to leave all of your new friends to go to the concert, but you knew seeing Brendon Urie perform would be well worth it. "Good-bye Rocky," Phil said. He'd already identified Rocky, the hamster with brown pebble-shaped spots, as his favorite. Seeing Phil like this reminded you of an old video game you used to play, called _Petz Hamsterz_ or something like that. The point of the game was essentially to collect as many hamsters as possible. "You'd be a _Petz Hamsterz_ master," you told Phil as the two of you were heading out the door. "Huh?" he asked, confused. "Just remind me to show you that game some time," you answered.  
**********************************  
Phil really had gotten the two of you some amazing seats. You were so close that you could read the brand name on the drum set.  
Brendon Urie put on an awesome show, doing back flips all over the stage whenever he got the chance. Unlike most artists, his voice was even better live than it was in studio recordings. You sang every single song and you never stood still, constantly tapping your feet to the music or dancing about wildly.  
Phil was clearly excited but a bit more reserved about showing it, although you managed to convince him to sing _I Write Sins_ with you when Panic! performed it as the final song.   
After the band finished and the crowd began to disperse, you tried to make a beeline for the exit. You could sometimes be claustrophobic and didn't want to get stuck amidst all those warm bodies. Phil gently grabbed your wrist and motioned for you to hang back.  
You looked at him in confusion, but he just shook his head. You waited until most of the stands had cleared out. "Phil? What's wrong?"  
Without any explanation, Phil leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. You were shocked for a moment, but eventually let yourself melt into the kiss. Phil was gentle, holding one of your hands and placing the other behind the back of your head. As soon as it had begun, it was over.  
"Okay, let's head home now," Phil said, moving out into the crowd. "Phil, what-" You were confused, and your thoughts were full of Brendon Urie's amazing voice, the taste of Phil, and, in the back of your mind, there was Dan.  
You could sense that Phil didn't want to discuss why he'd kissed you. He'd probably done it as a spur of the moment thing. "Phil," you whispered. "Thank you for an amazing night." At first you weren't sure that he'd heard you, but then he gave you a slight nod and pulled you to the exit, your hand still clasped in his.


	6. Pikachu (Dan)

Pokemon Go had officially swept the nation. When you woke up the next day in the Daniverse, you decided that you wanted to go out Pokemon hunting. You knew that Dan, who was just as big of a Pokemon nerd as you, if not more so, would agree to go.  
Motivated by your idea, you were the first one out of bed that morning. You walked around the flat and called Dan's name loudly, but it appeared he was still asleep. You resorted to playing the Pokemon theme song loudly and singing along, but Dan was definitely a heavy sleeper.  
Placing your phone safely down on the table, you ventured cautiously towards Dan's room. You knew that he wasn't any better at waking up than you were- he might throw pillows at you or something.  
You paced outside his door for a few minutes, and then knocked. But if you shouting, "I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS!" at the top of your lungs didn't wake him, then nothing could.  
You took a few deep breaths and finally worked up the nerve to push the door open.  
This was your first time entering Dan's room in real life, and it was a lot messier than you thought it would be. You wanted to give Dan his privacy, even if you were best friends in this universe. It was unbelievable to be in his room in real life, and to see the black, white and gray checkerboard bedsheets with your own eyes.  
Although currently, those bedsheets were a wrinkled mess, half falling off the bed, and the lump tucked underneath them was obviously Dan.   
His head was turned towards you on the pillow, and his brown hair was splayed across it. His face was soft and peaceful in sleep, and he was smiling. You almost didn't want to disturb him- this was the latest he'd slept the whole time you'd been here.  
You knelt down next to him, and just sat watching him for a while.  
You brushed his hair back from his forehead and placed a soft kiss on his lips.   
Dan's brown eyes shot open immediately, and you stood up so fast that you stumbled backwards and almost fell back down again. "(Y/N)?" Dan sat up, blinking slowly. He wasn't wearing a shirt. You stared at him, eyes moving shamelessly down his chest and back up to his face. "What are you doing?" his voice was rough with sleep. You shivered. "Um. I'm- waking you up?" Your voice didn't sound confident at all. "You could've knocked," Dan grumbled. "I did! Sheesh. Just get up already, we have to go find a Pikachu!"  
You turned impatiently and stormed out of the room.  
"I can't believe you're this motivated for Pokemon, but not for anything else!" Dan shouted after you. "Hey, you gotta catch 'em all, right?" you replied.  
As Dan struggled to get himself out of bed, you made waffles. After succeeding with the cookies, you decided it was time to expand your horizons. You burned them a little bit, but you thought they tasted fairly good. You began thinking about Phil again, and how excited he would've been to go Pokemon catching with the two of you. You wondered how all of your new hamsters were doing. How on Earth would the two of you keep track of them all?  
"Okay (Y/N)," Dan said once the two of you were mostly ready. He threw a baseball cap on your head. "You need this to look like a Pokemon trainer!"

Dan let you take the lead as soon as you stepped foot outside of the flat. Today was warmer, and the sun was out, casting a pale glow on the dark buildings and streets.  
"Okay, I'm following you," he said, wearing his ridiculously adorable Pikachu hat. "If we're going to have to walk to the ends of the Earth to find this Pikachu, then so be it. Is there one nearby?"  
"No, but there's a Squirtle! Let's go, this way!"   
You led Dan up and down alleys and through buildings, and the two of you eventually paused to catch the Squirtle. "I haven't done this much walking in a long time," Dan said, feigning being out of breath. At least, you hoped he was faking it. "Okay, freeze!" you shouted. Dan tensed, looking panicked. "There's a Pikachu! Don't move anywhere, I have to figure out which direction it's in!"   
You continued walking forward, and then doubled back the way you'd come. "Follow the leader, Dan!"  
Dan groaned, taking exaggeratedly slow steps.  
You looked up from Pokemon Go for a moment to stare back at your YouTuber. He wore black jeans and a black shirt, his yellow cap oddly mismatched with the whole ensemble. He didn't seem to care. He brushed his hair back and out of his eyes, and you resisted the urge to run over and do it for him, just so that you could touch him again.  
You shook your head slightly to get yourself back to reality (more like back to your Pokemon virtual reality).  
The two of you eventually reached the area where the Pikachu was, which turned out to be a pretty park.  
"Gotcha!" you shouted excitedly, and rushed over to Dan to make sure he'd caught it too.  
"Yes! Finally!" Dan said, laughing. You looked around, taking in the park where you'd ended up. "Wow, this park is really pretty." Dan looked over at you, still grinning, probably having an inner celebration over his Pikachu. "(Y/N), we come here all the time." Shoot. You were getting so used to spending time with Dan and Phil that you'd almost forgotten you hadn't always lived here. You still had another boring life back at home.  
London was growing on you, and you didn't think you'd ever be ready to leave. You felt a sudden clenching in your chest at the thought. "Well, you can never see too much of London, right?" you said, letting out an awkward laugh. "We should explore this park again!"  
"(Y/N), what's your favorite Pokemon?" Dan asked suddenly. "I guess it'd have to be (your favorite Pokemon.)", you replied. "Okay then. (Your favorite Pokemon), I choose you!" Dan shouted, swiping rapidly on his phone as if he were throwing Pokeballs at you. You giggled."I swear, you and your corny puns. Nice try, but I'm hard to catch," you said, darting away.  
Dan tackled you and both of you tumbled to the ground, rolling until Dan landed ungracefully on top of you. His arms were on either side of you, trapping you beneath him, and he was pressed against you so that you could feel his heartbeat. You panted, trying to catch your breath, your heart simultaneously beating out of your chest. You knew that he could feel your heartbeat too, but that just made it beat faster. Dan looked just as shocked as you felt. "Caught you," he said with a smirk. "Dan, seriously, your puns should be illegal-" Dan cut you off as he leaned forward and kissed you. He was an incredible kisser, his mouth moving expertly against yours. You could feel yourself melting into a puddle beneath him, but you managed to reach up to put your hand around the back of his head and pull him even closer to you. When you pulled apart, you squeaked weakly, "Okay, you caught me." Dan laughed and got to his feet, pulling you with him.  
"...why did you... Why did you kiss me, Dan?" you looked at him expectantly, hoping that his answer was the same as the one that was in your heart. You also didn't want to ruin the moment, but you had to know. "I'm not sure. It's just that... You mean a lot to me, and I hope that...you feel that way too. I mean, not just as friends. What am I saying?" He laughed, clearly embarrassed, but you knew what he meant to say. "Yes," you replied, your voice a whisper. "Me too."

"Hey!" You and Dan hopped apart instantly at the sound of another voice, as if you'd been burned. The two of you had been so absorbed in each other that you hadn't even noticed a group of about five people, all around your age, heading towards you. You looked over at them nervously, but it seemed like they hadn't been around to watch your intimate scene with Dan.  
"I know you!" the girl at the front of the group said. She was pretty, with black hair that was laced with blue highlights. She was motioning to Dan as she spoke. "You're that gamer, Danisnotonfire! And you're (Y/N)! I see you in videos with him sometimes. You guys are awesome!"  
"Thank you!" Dan said, heading over to the group. You noticed that they all had their phones out. They must be playing Pokemon Go. You glanced over at Dan, but he seemed enthralled at being approached by a big group of fans. He didn't mention anything else about what had just occurred between the two of you, and you figured that if he wasn't going to dwell on it, you shouldn't either. You didn't want to seem clingy or annoying. You would talk to these fans, even if all you really wanted to do was attack Dan and kiss him until he begged for mercy. Even as you were thinking this, Phil was at the back of your mind. You'd kissed him yesterday, too. Were you betraying Phil by kissing Dan? Technically, both of them had made the first move. You'd only gone along with it.   
...But you knew that wasn't exactly true. You had strong feelings for both of them, and this was your fault just as much as theirs.  
Considering you were living lives in two separate universes, maybe you could have both of them. You could be with Phil in the Philiverse, and Dan in the Daniverse!   
Just thinking about it made you cringe. It was so wrong. Besides, you shouldn't be in Dan or Phil's lives at all. They needed to be in each other's lives.  
"(Y/N)?" Dan was calling your name. You snapped to. "Sorry!" you said, holding up your phone. "I was catching a Pokemon." So you told a white lie. What else could you have said? "Sorry Dan, I was just contemplating how I've kissed both you and your best friend in an alternate universe"? It was better to fib.  
"Great! Everyone here wants to catch Pokemon with us. They're going to follow us, and if we find a gym we'll all battle together," Dan said. You forced a smile, still feeling the side effects of a conflicted heart, but trying to shake it off. "Sure! Sounds good to me."  
You let Dan lead this time, since you really didn't know your way around London. You'd be fine with getting Dan lost- he'd just make fun of you- but this group of fans might think you were an idiot.  
Before long, another group of about three or four was running after you, shouting, "Wait! Hold on! We're coming!" You weren't sure if they even recognized you or Dan, but they were clearly playing Pokemon Go and just wanted to join in the fun.  
It seemed that every street you turned down, another group of people wanted to follow you, their phones out and at the ready.  
You tried to maneuver through the large group of people to get back up near Dan, but it was difficult when everyone kept stopping to catch Pidgey and Rattatta. "You can find those anywhere," you mumbled under your breath. You needed to show these amateurs what the truly important Pokemon were. "Hey, I caught a Pikachu," you said proudly to the girl with the blue highlights, showing it off. "What? Where?" she screeched. "Back at the park we were in! A while ago! Sorry!"  
"Uggghh!" she whined, and walked faster, nearly jogging.  
The boy who had been standing next to her, an attractive blond, smiled at you. "Don't mind Sabrina. She's Pokemon-obsessed." You grinned. "Aren't we all?" He winked at you. "Maybe we could go Pokemon hunting another time? Alone?" You froze up. "Um..." Suddenly, Dan was beside you. "Sorry, man, there's only one of her and she's been caught already."   
He grabbed your hand and pulled you up to the front of the crowd. "Dan!" you said excitedly. We've started a flash mob, but with Pokemon Go!"  
"I know! Isn't it great?"  
Before long, your group (which was now even larger in size, maybe thirty people) reached a gym. It was taken by Team Mystic, and you all began fighting to the death for it. As soon as one person stole it, it was snatched away again. You ruthlessly stole it from Dan. "Hey!" he said. "I thought we were on the same side here!"  
"You can catch a wild (your favorite Pokemon), but you still have to tame it!" you shot back. Your victory was short-lived and the gym was stolen again instantly. "Damn it! Who took that?" Sabrina gave you an innocent wave, and mouthed, "That was for my Pikachu."  
You stopped fighting over the gym for a few minutes so that you could switch to your camera and vlog. You wanted to put this whole thing on your YouTube channel. Your subscribers would go crazy over it.  
Once you and Dan realized that the battling could go on forever, you slowly inched away and began heading back in the direction of the flat. Besides, the crowd had gotten too large for your social anxiety to handle, as well as Dan's.  
"I think the Pikachu was the best catch of the day," you commented to Dan. "But I'm proud of my Ponyta too." "And I'm proud of you," Dan said, entwining your hand with his. He trapped your arm there, so that you couldn't have pulled away if you wanted to. Not that you wanted to, at all. Why did Dan seem afraid that you wouldn't like him back? Did he not see how perfect he was?  
"But I don't think we should tell anyone about this," he said. "It would be the wrong kind of attention for our YouTube channels." He glanced at you quickly. "That is, if you want to continue this... Whatever this is." You nodded, your throat too thick with emotion to speak. Dan placed another kiss on your lips, this one quick and gentle. It left you wanting more. "Good," he said.


	7. Sun and Stars (Phil)

"Oreo! Get back here! Or was that Rocky? I can't tell!"  
You were back in the Philiverse, and you and Phil had spent the morning playing with the hamsters. Phil had left for a few minutes to try and locate the hamster treats, and then you'd done the same. You didn't think that leaving the hamster cage open would do any harm, but now you were chasing hamsters all over Phil's bedroom. They were faster than they looked. "And you thought I'd be the one to cause trouble with the hamsters," Phil said teasingly when he saw your dilemma. You rolled your eyes good-naturedly. "Haha, I'm sure you're very amused. Now help me catch them!" Phil scooped Rocky up easily. "Rocky likes me. See, he comes right to me!" You reached for Caramel and he bit your finger. "God d- ...God bless America!" you shouted, catching your swear. You knew that Phil didn't like swear words. "No, this is England! You have to bless England!" he said with a laugh. You looked up at Phil, who was still cuddling Rocky, and now Vanilla as well. "Okay, since you're the hamster whisperer, you catch him!"  
"Right! Okay, I've got an idea! We're going to lay out a trail of hamster treats leading back into the cage." Phil carefully placed his two squirming fluffs back into their habitat, and then began laying out a trail. You tried to help by herding the remaining hamsters towards them.  
You watched Phil as he efficiently put each hamster back in its place.  
Every once in a while he would look up at you to see what you thought of all this, his blue eyes shining with happiness.  
You'd been very conflicted lately, and you wondered if Phil was feeling the same way. You loved him. You were positive, not a doubt in your mind, that you were in love with Phil Lester. But you were also positively, without a doubt, in love with Dan Howell.  
You often wondered about the kiss that Phil had blessed your lips with at the Panic! concert. It'd been so quick, and Phil had never brought it up again. Maybe he wanted to forget about it. Hopefully it was just because he was nervous.  
You wished that Phil would have more self-confidence. It might help if Dan gave some of his to Phil. Your Phil was always so humble and adorable, but he never seemed to say what was really on his mind. He would pause and contemplate, then choose not to speak. You dreamed about a day when Phil would trust you enough to tell you all of his inner thoughts, and maybe lay in bed with you and hold you and...  
"That's the last one!" Phil said, picking up Chocolate and placing her in the cage. Her legs pinwheeled rapidly as he did so, as she tried to run away in midair.  
"Oh thank gosh," you sighed in relief. "I was afraid I'd accidentally step on one. So, Phil, what do we have planned for today?"  
"Just work, sadly. We have to update all of our social media," Phil replied. "Noooo," you groaned. Normally you loved wasting hours on the Internet. But ever since you'd been living with your two YouTubers, there was a spark of life in you. You liked going out to see attractions, meeting new people, and talking with Dan and Phil.

You sighed, giving in, as you sat down on the couch with Phil and opened your laptop. The two of you sat facing each other, and you had your legs on the couch, positioned so that every once in a while the two of you would brush up against each other.  
You opened up Twitter and, almost instantly, annoying ads were flooding your page. You began closing them all out in frustration until you saw one that caught your attention. A smile slowly broke out onto your face. Phil looked over at you, and when he saw that you were smiling, he began grinning too. It must be infectious.   
"Phil, how would you feel about putting work off for one more day?" "(Y/N), we really shouldn't..." You gave him your best puppy-dog eyes. "But I found something really fun for us to do!"  
"Okay, okay. What is it?" "So they're opening this new zoo right here in London, and they have a huge lion exhibit! And plus, tonight, they have this special event where you can bring blankets and star gaze. It sounds awesome, doesn't it?" Phil gave you a shy smile. "It sounds kind of romantic."  
You froze long enough to feel your heartbeat increase. Did this mean that Phil returned your feelings? It had to, right? Boys were so hard to read! "Right. Romantic. That's... Kind of the point. What do you think?"  
Phil looked over at your hamster cage, which was starting to look like a Zhu Zhu pet play pen with all of the additions that he'd put on it. "Won't our friends get lonely?"  
You shrugged. "I mean, we could stay here. It's cool. Whatever you want to do." Phil moved closer to you, and took your hand in his. "I just want to spend time with you, (Y/N). And I want to make you happy. Your smile is like the sun, and I swear it could clear away a hurricane in a matter of seconds." You felt your mouth drop open in surprise. Phil glanced back up at you, his ocean eyes hopeful, and then he looked back down at your hand, which he still held. He turned it over, inspecting the lines on your palm, and traced over them with his finger. "These two intersecting lines here are me and you," he said, tracing over each one in turn. He brought your hand up to his face and kissed it softly. Your heart was on fire and your brain was full of giddy, jumbled nonsense.  
You inched closer to Phil, taking your chances, until you were finally in his lap. You wrapped your legs around him and brought your mouth to his. This kiss was much longer and well worth the wait. It was full of passion, but you could still feel Phil smiling beneath it, and this made you smile too. When the two of you finally pulled away for breath, you said, "You say I'm like sunshine, but you are my sunshine. I'm so glad that you came into my life. I think I finally belong here." Phil pulled you even closer to him, holding you like his arms were the only thing holding you together. He kissed the side of your mouth, your jawline, your neck. You melted.   
He paused and pulled away for a moment, and you barely resisted the urge to grab his shirt collar and pull him right back to you.  
"What do you mean, you finally belong?"   
You sighed. "Well, it's probably obvious, but my home life wasn't the best. I know there are people who have it worse. But I've just always been an outcast. I'm considered an oddity, and I never belong anywhere." "But belonging is boring," Phil replied, his voice sincere. "It makes you part of a group. It makes you monotone. You, (Y/N), are one of a kind. You have all kinds of colors and flavors to your personality that make you unique. That's what makes you interesting. Be who you are, not who everyone else thinks you should be." You pressed the backs of your hands to your eyes, trying to hold the tears in. They fell anyway. "That's the first time anyone's said something like that to me," you said, your voice breaking. Phil held you in his arms until your tears were dry and you felt safe.

Phil agreed to go star gaze at the zoo with you. "But it's mostly so that I can see the lions," he admitted.  
The zoo was packed with people. Luckily, there was a dolphin show going on and most of the visitors decided to go to that exhibit. The lion exhibit was empty during that time, so you and Phil made a beeline for it. It was unusually large for a zoo exhibit, and the first one held a male, female, and baby lion cub. Despite the extended size, there was still wire fencing surrounding the enclosure, and it made you sad. The male lion paced up and down, panting. The female lion sat up on a rock and looked majestic. The baby cub liked to pounce on his father's tail and run in circles. "That's you," Phil said, pointing to the majestic female. The lion cub fell on his face, and then sneezed. "And that's me," Phil said of the cub.  
You giggled and took Phil's hand in yours. "Oh, c'mon. You're a bit more graceful than that." The lion cub turned to look at the two of you. He had bright blue eyes, not unlike Phil's. "Maybe you were a lion in another life or something," you told Phil. "Oh, I definitely was," he answered. "And what were you?" "A (your favorite animal), if anything," you decided.

When it got dark, the two of you headed over to the area reserved for star-gazing. You helped Phil lay out the Pokeball blanket, and then you both sat down on it. Comfortable now that you knew you both harbored feelings for each other, you pressed against Phil and lay your head on his shoulder. Some couples were asleep in lawn chairs. Some were even playing on computers and tablets, completely ignoring each other. You were glad that you had such a real connection with Phil. Although you'd learned about both Dan and Phil on the Internet, they had helped you see the outside world. And it was beautiful.  
You stared up at the stars, little sprinkles of silver on an inky cake. You loved the fact that there were so many constellations, but you could only ever find the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt. You sometimes liked to form your own constellations, too. You pointed out a particular group of stars to Phil. "It looks like a hamster," he told you. You laughed. "Sure it does."  
Even as you were reveling in your eye-opening day with Phil, your mind flitted over to Dan. What was he doing right now? Sleeping, probably. How much longer could this go on, with you kissing both of them, loving both of them? Even if it was in two different universes? At some point you would have to choose. Choose and break one's heart... Did it really come down to who you loved most? Or whose heart you could stand to shatter?  
Phil let out a sigh of relief as he flopped onto his back, staring upward. You curled into his side. Maybe you just needed to look at things the way Phil did- always seeing the glass half full, and appreciating the sunshine.


	8. Let's Talk About Love (Dan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the Feels in this chapter. I don't apologize for all of the romance because it was very fun to write. Please enjoy~

There was a sticky note on the kitchen counter in Dan's unique, scrawly handwriting. It read,  
_Went out to do some filming. Back in a couple of hours. We'll have fun when I get back,_ and he'd drawn a heart next to it with your initials in it.  
You wrapped your arms tightly around yourself, suppressing a shiver of delight. You weren't sure what he meant by "have fun".  
Then you began to pace.  
You needed to figure yourself out right now. Things were getting pretty serious between you and Dan, and between you and Phil as well. You couldn't talk to either of them about the Philiverse and Daniverse. You trusted them both, but it was a bit much to ask them to believe. Besides, it just seemed too personal. You needed a third party, someone else whom you trusted and who knew about things like being in love.  
There was only one person you could possibly talk to.  
You pulled out your phone and gave Louise a call. "Louise? I have a bit of a dilemma. Are you free today? Yea, it's about a guy... Well, two guys actually. Okay, okay, there's no need to sound so excited! Dan has the car- can you come get me in maybe twenty minutes?"

Louise ushered you into her room and shut the door behind you. You looked around at Louise's room, your eyes widening. Everything was framed by little lights that looked straight out of a fairytale, and the whole room was perfectly color-coordinated and put together. You'd seen Louise's room a few times in her videos, obviously, but it was even more impressive in real life. You were lucky if your dirty clothes made it into the hamper, but here was Louise's room, with all kinds of clothes and makeup on display.  
It made you think of cupcakes and glitter. Glittery cupcakes.  
"Thanks for having me over on such short notice, Louise- and wow, your room is beautiful!" you exclaimed. "Anything for a friend, (Y/N). And thanks! It'd be messier if I didn't make videos here all the time. Now, before you spill all of the details of your little love triangle, we need to give you a new look."  
You raised your eyebrows. "What? What's wrong with what I have on now?" You were wearing your usual everyday makeup, nothing fancy, along with jeans and a sweatshirt.  
"Oh come on. Even if you're not super into the fashion stuff, it's fun to get dressed up every once in a while. Will you let me make you beautiful?" Louise said with a grin. You smirked back. "I'm already beautiful," you said, tossing your head back in a fake show of vanity. If only she knew that you usually didn't feel beautiful at all.  
"Now you're starting to sound like Dan," Louise said, giggling. "Okay then. Let me go get my new eyeshadow palette. Then you're going to sit and spill."

Louise took off the bit of makeup that you already had on, and then went at your face with a multitude of brushes and tools. You knew the basics of makeup application, but she worked with the expert speed of a beauty vlogger. She would occasionally mumble out to you what she was doing, but she used a lot of beauty terms that you found difficult to follow. "This is a new style of smokey eye that I'm putting in your crease with this fine-tip brush, okay?" she said to you at one point. You simply shook your head. "Okay Louise. I'll probably never be able to replicate your expertise, but I trust you to make me pretty for today." Louise smiled, but her eyes stayed focused on her work. "You'll be glowing by the end of this! Trust me. Okay. So, who's the boy?"  
You took a deep breath. "I really wasn't supposed to get mixed up in all of this. So... There's two boys. They're both YouTubers. One is Dan."  
Louise let out a squeal of surprise, accidentally leaving a streak of eyeshadow on your cheek in her excitement. "Oops. We'll fix that." She grabbed makeup wipes.  
"It's just, oh my gosh, I knew that you and Dan would end up as a couple! You guys have so much in common, and the way you two always banter with each other... It's so cute! And he's absolutely gorgeous. You know that, I'm sure. He may seem a bit stubborn, or even rude, because he teases so much. But he's got a big heart. You picked a really good guy, (Y/N). He'll take care of you."  
You smiled and thought of Dan's soulful brown eyes looking at you like you were his favorite person in the world. The way he held your hand, desperately, as if you were his and no one else could have you. And you did. You very badly wanted to be his, and only his. But also...  
"I love Dan. So much," you told Louise. You bit your lip with worry. "But this other boy- Phil Lester-" Louise let out a gasp. "You know Phil?!" You leaned forward in anticipation. "Wait. You mean to tell me that you know Phil?!" "Not well, but I met him at a few YouTube conventions. I think he and Dan would get along really well. That's so weird that you're in love with him too! Maybe you're supposed to bring the two of them together."  
You looked up at her in shock. "Is that possible? Louise, do you think it could be one person's job to bring two other people together? Like, a soul mate... Match-maker? Or something?"  
Louise laughed. "(Y/N), I didn't mean anything that serious. I don't think Dan and Phil are soul mates. They've never even met!"  
You sighed. "Right. But say that Dan and Phil were meant to meet, but something happened. What if-" Louise echoed your sigh with one of her own. "Look. (Y/N), you can't decide anything properly when your judgement is clouded with love. Believe me. I know. So tell me- why do you love Dan? Why do you love Phil? Maybe we can make a mental list." Louise sifted through her makeup bag and pulled out mascara, asking you to blink as she applied it.  
"Maybe that would help," you agreed. "Okay. First, Dan."  
"You put him first. What does that mean?" Louise demanded. "No, it's just because I met him first!" you whined. "They're both of equal importance to me, in my heart."  
"Fine, fine. We'll see about that. So Dan. What is it about him that makes your heart flutter?"  
"Well, like you said, he is beautiful. He seems to have a habit of being flirty without knowing it, and it draws me to him like a moth to light. He has a very realistic outlook on life. He doesn't pour sugar over anything. He takes it as it comes, and he deals. He has the ability to laugh anything off, and to make me laugh too. I swear, his puns..." you smiled just thinking about it. "He's so smart too, even if he doesn't realize it. And... Really, I could go on forever."  
"And now Phil?" Louise pressed. You wasted no time jumping right into your list for Phil. "He's always happy. I don't think anything could seriously sour his mood. And it rubs off on me every time I see him. He's my sunshine," you whispered, remembering what he'd said to you. "He's beautiful, and if you stare too long into those ocean-blue eyes of his, they pull you in. Sometimes I'm like a ship, being sucked in by his tide. But I know he'll never let me drown. He's so genuine, and whenever I feel alone, he's there to tell me why I'm not. He's got a great sense of humor, but not dark like Dan's. He can make fun of the littlest things, and he has such a soft spot for animals." You thought of your six new hamsters and giggled.  
Louise pulled away from you for a minute, and handed you a pale pink lipstick. "You've given good reasons for both of them, and about the same number for each. Hm. You really must love them both."  
"I do!" you protested, and felt tears welling in your eyes. "Louise, what do I do?" Louise rushed at you with a tissue. "Oh no. No crying. Don't ruin your mascara, sweetie. Now look. You can cry about any and everything, and sometimes it's good to let the tears out. But what do you have to cry about? You've got two good men who both love you, and all you have to do is listen to your heart." "But I'm going to have to break one of them," you said, your voice a sad whisper. Louise turned you around and started on your hair.  
If it was Dan who you would break, he would brush it off at first. He'd say it was no big deal, that you were still friends. Later, he'd retreat to his room and blame himself. He'd think about how he wasn't worth it to you. His heart would shatter slowly.  
If it was Phil who you would break, the hurt would be instant. He'd pull away from you, and look at you as if you'd shot him. He'd ask what he could do to fix it, how he could make it easier on **you**. Later, he'd cry, endless rain falling from the oceans of his eyes. Rain that you had caused.  
You thought about how lucky you were to have two guys who cared about you to the extent that Dan and Phil did. Louise was right. There was no need to cry. You needed to woman up and not take love for granted.  
You straightened up, no longer worried about tears falling. "You're right. I love them both, and that's okay. I don't want to hurt either of them, and that's the right thing to feel. But love is confusing, and people get hurt, and fall in love accidentally. Like I did. I'm going to do what I have to do to make things right." You didn't really have a plan on how to do that yet, but what you did have was more confidence. Louise smiled. "That's my girl. Okay, I'm done with your hair. And makeup. I've completed the whole look. Do you like it?" She gave you a mirror, and you grinned. You hardly recognized yourself, but you felt good. The makeup was natural but enhanced your features, and your (h/c) hair was curled in loose waves. "I love it! Louise, you really know what to do to help a girl out." Louise shrugged. "I've had enough crappy experience in the love category. Now, we need to find you something nice to wear. I think I have some dresses that are your size. I don't know when you'll see Phil next, but you'll see Dan tonight, and you want to look good for him! Right?" You nodded. "Right."  
Louise loaned you a dress in your favorite color. The neckline and waist were lined with sequins. "Thank you!" you gasped. "I just hope it's not too fancy. I look a bit like a bridesmaid."  
"You look gorgeous. And we're heading back to Dan's flat right now so he can see you. I bet he'll love it." "It doesn't matter what he thinks," you scoffed. "I like it! And that's what getting dressed up is all about- to make the **girl** feel pretty!"  
Louise held out her hand for a high-five. "Girl power!" she said with a laugh.  
Louise dropped you off at the flat and drove away, giving her car horn a quick honk as she left. You waved, and headed up the stairs. Louise had given you some cute sandals to wear with the dress. At least she hadn't made you wear high heels!  
"Dan? I'm home!" you said, opening the door quietly in case he was filming. You headed towards the lounge.  
"Oh, good, you're back, (Y/N). You didn't text me or anything, so I started to get worried that you were-"  
Dan froze. You looked over at him, a bit embarrassed. "I was over at Louise's. Can't you tell?" You did a dramatic spin for him, and then gave him jazz hands. Dan still hadn't spoken. His mouth was open slightly, and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. His pupils dilated. "Um. Dan?"  
He took a few steps toward you, slowly, like a wolf afraid to scare the deer away. "(Y/N). You look... I mean, you're... The most beautiful human being I've ever seen."  
Your face flushed a deep red, and you took a few steps back. "I... Thank you? Wow, you're acting weird. Are you feeling okay?" "Never better," Dan said, his voice airy. He stopped a few feet away from you. "I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I? I'm sorry. I have a habit of doing that."  
"Dan," you whispered. "Why do you always act so scared? I'm not going to chase you away or ask you to leave. I love you. Please don't stop."  
Dan breathed in sharply, and then rushed to you. His lips crashed into yours as he pressed you against him, running his fingers through your hair. He pulled away for only a moment to press his forehead to yours and whisper your name. Before long, the two of you had landed on the couch, you underneath and Dan above. "I just... I really want to..." "Then do it," you said, not even bothering to clarify what he meant. You just wanted his lips on yours again.  
He did just that, melting his mouth into yours until you felt as if the two of you were one.  
He broke for a moment to pull his shirt over his head. You froze, your breath caught in your throat. This was the first time you'd seen him like this besides the one morning that he hadn't known. You reached up, cautiously, to run your hands up his stomach and chest. His eyes closed. You lay your head on his chest, breathing in the masculine scent that was uniquely Dan. Before long he opened his eyes again, tilting your head up to look at you. "Dan," you whispered. "Go slow, okay? I don't... I don't want to take this dress off. If you know what I mean."  
Dan nodded, signature smirk playing across his lips. "Go slow. Got it." He winked at you. "No hurry." "Well don't do **that** ," you moaned, leaning into him again, your breath coming quickly. "I look like Edward Cullen," Dan mumbled, and you looked up in surprise. "What?" Dan's chest was covered with glitter, transferred over from your dress. You giggled.  
"I know what you are, Dan," you said teasingly.  
"Say it. Out loud," he replied, trying to keep his expression intense but smiling nonetheless.  
You leaned in to give him a soft kiss. "You're mine."


	9. Making Ends Meet (Phil & Dan)

"I'm so excited, Phil! Are you so excited?" "Yes, (Y/N), I'm excited."  
You were bouncing up and down in the passenger's seat of the car as Phil drove with you to the YouTube convention. It was called Tube Con.   
After nearly bawling your eyes out at Louise's house the day before, you'd decided to finally research some nearby YouTube conventions. You hadn't had much time last night, as Dan had kept you busy... Just thinking about it made you blush.  
So that morning, you'd woken up earlier than usual to hop on your laptop and research. You were relieved to find that this new convention, Tube Con, was in town, but a little concerned as well. Would Phil be willing to go with you on a moment's notice?  
You should have known better. "That's a great idea, (Y/N)!" Phil said instantly, beaming. "And I know I promised you a while back that I'd meet up with this Dan Howell. Do you know if he'll be there?" Your heart seized in a moment of panic. "I don't know!" You should have mentioned the convention to Dan yesterday when you'd had the chance. Then again, you **hadn't** really had the chance...  
You checked on Twitter, and saw with surprise that Dan had tweeted about how he was going to Tube Con. The YouTube angels must be watching over you today. "See you guys there!" the tweet said. "You'll be able to spot me because I'm so tall. Or because I'll be the one crying in the corner."  
"Good news Phil! He'll be there!" you said excitedly. "Okay. If it'll make you happy, (Y/N), I'll go talk to him. Besides, I haven't been to a convention in a while. But you're not still trying to set me up with him, are you? You know that I love you."  
"I was never trying to set you up," you said with a smile. "Just checking."  
Phil walked over to you and gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead. Even after the two of you had realized the extent of your feelings for each other, Phil continued to give you those tantalizing little forehead and nose kisses. "Can't I get more than that?" you whined as he pulled away. "Later," Phil said, and walked away, chuckling to himself. "I'm going to gather some video equipment. You get your stuff ready, too."  
You stood up quickly. "Phil Lester! What do you mean, later?"  
Phil poked his head out from his bedroom doorway.  
"(Y/N), you have a dirty mind! I just meant... Well... Okay, come here."  
You rushed over to Phil, and this time he gave you a real kiss. "Is that better?" You smirked. "Yep!"  
You gathered your video equipment, but you didn't bring everything. You didn't want to lug unnecessary devices around. You put your main video camera and a few backup items into a simple black bag.   
Since Phil wasn't as famous in the Philiverse as he was back in your world, he wouldn't have a panel or anything like that. The two of you were attending the convention as visitors, like everyone else. You might get asked for a few autographs and pictures, if you were lucky.  
"Phil, should I cosplay?" you asked, checking the back of your closet. Your collection of cosplays still hung there, and most of them had never been worn. Since your mom was against you participating in "weird" activities like cosplaying, you didn't go to conventions very often. Your mom always said the word "cosplaying" with such a condescending tone. You could still hear her voice... "Dressing up is only for little children or for Halloween, (Y/N). Grow up."  
You hated it.  
"If you want to cosplay, I won't stop you!" Phil shouted back. The dark shadow that had fallen over your heart in remembering your real life lifted as soon as Phil spoke. His rays of sunshine pierced through, and the shadows shied away in fear. You took in a deep breath. "No, it's okay. I won't. This is a YouTube convention, not an anime convention," you mumbled, half to yourself.   
You resorted to doing your hair and makeup in your usual look- no crazy wigs or face paint this time.  
Now the two of you were on your way to the con, and you could hardly contain your excitement. You hadn't been to one in so long, and you were here with one of two people you loved most in the world.  
Phil had let you plug your iPod into the car's radio, and you were shuffling through your playlist of songs that included Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, twenty one pilots, and My Chemical Romance.  
Phil knew almost every song that came on, which made you extremely happy. The two of you had such similar interests and tastes in music.  
You were humming along to twenty one pilots "Heathens", and paused for a minute to stare out the window and think. Twenty one pilots songs had the tendency to put you in a thinking mood.  
This day was going to be life-changing for you. It was going to be life-changing for the whole world. You were bringing Dan Howell and Phil Lester together. Somehow, you'd messed up their lives- you still weren't sure why. One moment, you were falling asleep in your own bed, and the next, you were thrown into Dan and Phil's lives.   
Well, now it was your job to fix it. It was destiny. You needed Dan. You needed Phil. But the world needed them together even more.  
Right? Were you doing the right thing?  
You tried to remember what Louise had said to you, about being strong and following your heart.  
"Phil," you began carefully. You'd asked Dan about the alternate universe idea, and he'd laughed it off. Maybe Phil would take it more seriously. "Hm?" he turned to look at you, attentive as always, his blue eyes piercing.   
"What do you think about alternate universes?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Is it a possibility? Like, could we be in an alternate universe right now? Maybe there's another world where you and I have never met."  
Phil sighed. "I hope not. That would be a very sad world indeed."  
You looked down at your hands sadly, interlacing your fingers. "Yea. It would be."

Phil parked the car and the two of you walked in together. Tube Con was a living, breathing organism. You clutched at Phil's hand, partially because you loved him, and mostly so that you wouldn't get lost.  
The convention hall was packed tightly, and the big group of people moved as one. You found yourself awkwardly brushing up against people you didn't know, and squeaking out apologies as you went along. Despite the fact that it wasn't an anime convention, there were still a number of people dressed in brightly colored costumes. There was even one woman who walked around carrying spools of thread and duct tape, and people would pay her to fix up their costumes.  
Of course, YouTubers and Internet stars were everywhere. Around every corner there was another YouTuber surrounded by a big group of people, posing for a picture. There were gamers wearing shirts with video game logos. There were beauty vloggers being flooded by hordes of girls who were eagerly asking about her makeup brand. And, of course, there were the major stars who you couldn't even see because they were so covered in clusters of people. The con-goers were groups of cells moving along in a stream, all flowing towards the center merchandise room and the surrounding panel rooms.  
You saw a door that had a small sign taped to it: "Pictures with PewDiePie. Current wait time: 3 hours." A huge line of fans trickled out the door and curved through the whole convention hall. "I didn't know PewDiePie would be here!" you whispered excitedly to Phil. You nodded to yourself and added, "It explains why there's so many people, though." You and Phil had gradually accumulated a small cluster of fans around yourselves.   
In your universe, of course, Phil was far more famous. Back in your world, he and Dan would've had a panel room with a wait even longer than Felix's. But Dan and Phil separate just wasn't the same as Dan and Phil together. They weren't as popular. And you needed to fix that. Quick.  
While Phil took some pictures and gave hugs, you looked around, wondering where Dan might be.  
Suddenly you spotted a familiar face- Louise! She wore a pretty purple skirt and white blouse, and was giving hugs to a group of fans. You raced over. "Louise! Louise! Hey!" She looked up at you, her face blank. "Oh, hi, girly! Do you want a picture?" You stared at her. "Louise. It's me, (Y/N)." She frowned. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"  
Then you remembered. This was the Philiverse. She didn't know you here. "I'm a friend of Phil's. Phil Lester. Do you know him? He talks about you sometimes." Slowly, recognition crossed her face. "Oh, yes! I know Phil." Red began to spread across her cheeks. "He talks about me?" She giggled. "How often?"  
"Um, quite a lot. Anyway, have you seen Dan? Dan Howell?"   
The group of girls around Louise began to squeal. "Oh my gosh, I love Dan!" one cried out. "Oh, he's so hot! I wonder if he'd date me?" another one said. You resisted the urge to shout, "Dan is mine!" at the girls, and "Phil is mine!" at Louise.   
"Oh sure, Dan was just here. He's six foot three, can't be too hard to spot." "Oh, he's so tall!" another girl said dreamily. You glared at her, then turned back to Louise.  
"Thanks!" you said, giving Louise a mock salute. She raised her eyebrows. You were still being too friendly with her, considering you were a stranger to her in the Philiverse. "Sorry. I'm weird. Keep an eye on Phil for me, please!" You rushed off.

Dan shouldn't have been too hard to spot, but you couldn't find your gorgeously tall YouTuber anywhere, even standing on your tiptoes. Maybe you should try thinking like Dan.   
_If I was Dan, where would I hide?_ Hm, probably somewhere dark and quiet where I could scroll on Tumblr in peace. You stepped past the Starbucks cafe that was hidden in a nook of the convention hall- you'd have to take Phil in there for coffee later. You were now in a dimly lit hallway that held unused panel rooms. You poked your head into the first one- Dan wouldn't want to walk farther than he had to- and closed the door.  
"Hello?" you called out quietly. You got no response. You ventured in further, and tripped over a chair, sprawling out awkwardly. "Why me," you said sadly, righting yourself. "Wow, you're even clumsier than me," a voice said in response to you. You jumped, as the voice seemed to come from right next to you. You recognized it as Dan's voice, but it took you a moment to find him. He was wearing all black, as usual, and practically camouflaged into the dark room. "Dan?" you whispered. "Yes?" He stared at you, no recognition in his eyes. Right. This was the Philiverse. He didn't know you. You swallowed hard, upset by the fact that you couldn't just hug him or kiss him. He didn't know you. Dan didn't know you. "Hi. My name's (Y/N)-" you   
began. "I know." Your eyes widened. "You do?" "I've seen you on YouTube. You're beautiful." He paused, looking up at the ceiling in confusion. "Sorry, did I just say that out loud?"  
"Please don't apologize," you said, and threw yourself at him in a hug. He might not know you in this universe, but you were still going to hug him, like it or not. To your surprise, he hugged you back. "Would you like to hide in this room with me? It's safe from the crowds," Dan said, dropping his voice to a whisper, as if he was afraid someone outside might hear. You smiled. This was so like Dan. "As much as I would, there's someone out there who wants to meet you. He's Phil Lester, AmazingPhil-" "I know Phil," Dan said instantly. "In fact, I love his videos, and I'd love to meet him!"   
"Really?" you jumped up with a sudden burst of energy. Convincing two strangers that they needed to meet was going better than you had planned. This was definitely meant to be. Even in two universes where they were separated, Dan and Phil would always find each other. "That's awesome! Come on then, let's go. If we stay in the dark too much longer, we'll morph into creatures of the night," you said. "I'm already nocturnal," Dan answered with a shrug.   
He held the door open for you and followed you out.  
You felt unexpected tears well up in your eyes. It was like giving your boys away. You didn't feel ready to do that yet, but it had to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for making Dan not recognize you, I know it probably killed your heart for a lot of the Dan fans. Don't worry, it will get better~


	10. Selfish Selflessness (Dan & Phil)

You started down the hallway with Dan, and it felt like walking the long corridor that led to the execution room. Letting go of Dan and Phil, and returning to normalcy, might just be the death of you.  
You reached for Dan's hand, grasping it suddenly and without asking permission to do so. You just needed to feel the familiar warmth of his hand in yours.  
Dan turned and stared at you, and you smiled sadly. "I bet Phil will be excited to meet you," you said, your voice a hoarse whisper. This was for the best.  
Recognition dawned in Dan's brown eyes.   
"(Y/N)? What are we doing here?" You stared at him in confusion. "I just explained to you. We're going to meet Phil. We're at Tube Con?"  
"But why are we at Tube Con? I don't... I don't understand. I feel like I've blanked out for the last couple of hours. I can't remember."  
You pulled away from him in shock. "Dan? Are you **my** Dan?" This was your Dan from the Daniverse, without a doubt. Somehow, he'd suddenly come to his senses and remembered who you were.  
"Yes, I'm your Dan, as long as you're my beautiful (Y/N)." Dan gave you a quick kiss. "Oh my God. You remember." You wiped away the tears that had begun falling from your (e/c) eyes without warning.  
"Dan, you have no idea how worried I was. I thought you wouldn't ever remember me!"  
"How could I ever forget you? Please explain to me what's going on. Why can't I remember the past few hours?"  
You took a deep breath and gave a quick synopsis. Now that Dan had experienced both universes for himself, he might not think of your tale as crazy. "So there's two universes, the Daniverse and Philiverse. I'm stuck between the two of them, and everyday I switch. Now it seems like you're switching, too. In the Daniverse, I'm your best friend and I love you. In the Philiverse, I'm Phil's best friend and I love him."  
Dan looked at you, and his face fell, as if his heart had suddenly shattered. "You love someone else?" he whispered. "Oh. Okay. That's cool, I guess. I mean, good for you! Haha. Um..."  
"No! Dan, no." You took him by the shoulders and turned him to face you. "You misunderstand. I love both of you! But here in the Philiverse you don't know me. In the Daniverse you do. But does that mean we're in the Daniverse now? Does Phil not know me? I don't understand."   
You drew in a shaky breath, thinking of Louise. You needed to be strong. Strong and brave. Girl power.  
Dan looked at you in concern, and reached for your hand again. "I don't want to be separated from you by a whole universe. I'm never letting go of you again." You smiled up at him. "Okay. Maybe that'll help. But right now, the one thing that we need to do is find Phil. I think once we get the two of you back together, things will reset to normal. Of course, that means I won't ever see either of you again..." Dan's hand tightened on yours. "No," he growled. "I'm not agreeing to that."  
You sighed. "Once the universes go back to normal, you won't know any better. It will be Dan and Phil, not Phil and (Y/N) or Dan and (Y/N). I'll be just another subscriber on the Internet to you. But that's how it needs to be. I love both of you, so I'm going to let you go."  
You squared your shoulders, and swallowed back tears. If you'd allowed them to fall, you would have drowned in them.   
"You know what, maybe I should just text Phil and get him to come over here," you decided. "We might want somewhere private to talk, and the middle of a convention hall isn't exactly private."  
You pulled out your phone and sent Phil a quick text. " _Found Dan! Come to the creepy hallway near the Starbucks. Love you~_ "  
"Why did you say you loved him?" Dan asked, glancing over your shoulder. You hit him playfully on the arm. "Quit reading my texts!" Dan pulled you closer to him. "I don't want anyone else to have you." You sighed. "Okay, but Phil does have me. And so do you. Wow, jealous much?"  
You saw Phil rounding the corner, glancing at his phone and then looking around for you. You detached yourself from Dan and ran over to Phil. "Phil, please tell me you know who I am," you pleaded. It seemed like the Daniverse and Philiverse had combined, but Dan and Phil still obviously didn't know each other. So things hadn't reset to normal yet.  
Phil gave you a quizzical look. "Of course I do, silly." He pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Now, where's this Dan that you want me to meet?"  
Dan had moved back to stand in the doorway of the panel room, shooting daggers at Phil with his eyes. You winced. That glare even turned **your** insides cold.   
"Okay, come on, you two. Into the panel room." You motioned for Dan to head in, and ushered Phil in after. You closed the door, giving the three of you some privacy.  
As soon as you entered the room, both Dan and Phil moved closer to you, one on either side. Phil had also seemed to figure out what was going on, and was quick to try and claim you as his.  
"Ugh," you said, dropping your head into your hands. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I should have tried to get the two of you to meet sooner, before I fell in love. Twice. Do you know how badly it sucks to fall in love with two people at the same time? Two people you can't have?"  
"You do have me," Dan and Phil both said in unison.   
"Okay. I want you to take me out of the equation for a minute. I love you, and I love you," you said, turning to each one as you spoke.   
(Author's Note: Reader, really think about this. The choice is yours. Who do you turn to first to say "I love you"?)  
"But I want the two of you to get to know each other. It might take some time, but just... Pretend like I don't exist." It hurt to say those words, but you had to. "Talk to each other. Please. And don't kiss while I'm gone or anything." You winked at both of them and stepped out of the panel room, closing the door behind you.

You slid down the door and landed on the carpeted floor with a soft _thump_. You let out a breath, wondering vaguely how long it would take for them to sort things out. Would they remember each other? Would they forget you?  
You heard soft footsteps padding down the hallway, and glanced up, wondering if it was just a lost con-goer. Instead, Louise stood before you, looking down at you and frowning. "Sorry, I was looking for you and I heard some of what you said in there. But I just wanted to tell you, you did a very brave thing," she said.  
"You remember me?" you asked happily. "Yep. The last few hours of my memory are kind of fuzzy, and I'm not sure why. But my new eyeshadow really did look good on you. I know who you are, (Y/N)."  
You smiled. "I took your advice, Louise. I followed my heart. And my heart said I needed to put them first."  
Louise slid down the wall so that she was sitting next to you. "That's something that most girls wouldn't do. Most girls want their boyfriends to put them first, and put everything else to the side. But you don't. Both of those boys are very lucky to have you."  
You nodded. "I guess so. But they'll eventually forget about me, once these crazy universes go back to normal. You'll forget me, too."  
Louise shook her head. "I don't think I will. And they won't, either. Love that strong can't just be forgotten."

****** Behind the Panel Door ******  
Dan and Phil stared at each other for a few minutes, a silent show down between blue eyes and brown eyes.   
Finally, Dan stepped forward, holding out his hand. "I'm Dan Howell. Nice to meet you, Phil. I love your videos." Phil smiled, taking Dan's hand to shake. "I love yours too, actually."  
"So... (Y/N) has been spewing all this crazy talk lately about alternate universes. She keeps mentioning you, and how we should meet. Apparently we were best friends in her universe, or something like that." Dan laughed awkwardly. "It's been the same for me," Phil replied. He gave Dan an intense look. "I'm in love with her, by the way." "I am too," Dan answered instantly.  
"I'd do anything for her," Phil said, without missing a beat.  
"So would I," Dan retorted.  
"She's beautiful," Phil asserted.  
"I can agree with that. And by the way, I must say that you're good at choosing girlfriends. She's perfect."  
A small smile twitched onto Phil's face. "I guess we're both good at it, then."  
"I can see how we might've been friends in another life," Dan speculated.  
"We could be friends in this life," Phil said, a bit nervously. Was it right to become friends with this man, who his (Y/N) claimed to love equally to him? Phil could see what (Y/N) liked about him, anyway.  
"We totally could!" Dan replied. "Although, I must warn you, I'm a bit of an introvert."  
"Do you watch anime?" Phil asked.  
"Oh hell yeah!"

You felt a slight nudge against your back and moved away from the door so that Dan and Phil could get out. Louise stood, too, straightening out her skirt.  
You stared at Dan and Phil, looking from one pair of eyes to the other. "So? Do you two remember each other?"  
Phil shook his head. "No, but we've decided to be friends. We actually have a lot in common." You nodded to yourself. "That's good," you mumbled. "At least you don't hate each other. But now what? When will the universes reset? The world needs to go back to normal. The Phandom needs to come back."  
"(Y/N), are you talking to yourself?" Dan asked, a smile ghosting over his lips. You turned, blushing. "I did say all of that aloud, didn't I?"  
"Don't worry, I can relate," Dan said, waving it off.  
Phil stepped forward nervously, locking eyes with you. You longed to rush at him and pull him into a hug so tight and a kiss so intense that he wouldn't ever want to leave.   
"So (Y/N), we've decided that you can make your choice. Whoever you love the most, the other one will be okay with it. We'll both still be friends with you, and with each other, however it works out. Does that sound okay to you?"  
You nodded quickly. "It's more than okay. I can't believe you guys are so easygoing about this. You're the best."  
Louise interrupted by suddenly clearing her throat, and feigning a yawn. "It's getting late. I'm going to head out. See you! Dan, Phil, (Y/N)." She gave each of you a hug in turn, and then left.  
You turned back to your YouTubers. "So, I guess I'll try to get a hotel tonight. I don't know if they'll let a junior in high school stay in a hotel alone, but you won't want me in your flat, so-"  
Dan and Phil both reached for you at once. "No way," Dan said.   
"Your place is with me. You're staying in the flat," Phil said.   
"But... Where will you guys sleep?" you wondered.  
Dan shrugged. "I'll take the couch. Technically, this is the 'Philiverse' or whatever, so it's Phil's flat. Although I remember it being mine. Both of our memories are pretty screwed up."  
"I'll figure out what caused all of this," you promised. "I'm so sorry for getting mixed up in your lives."  
Phil took your wrist and gently pulled you to him. "(Y/N), don't ever apologize. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."   
He kissed you gently, and it was sweet and slow. You felt tears of love and disbelief fall from your eyes, turning the kiss a bit salty.  
Dan was there next, staring into your eyes with intensity. "I don't care how you ended up in our lives, but it wasn't a mistake. You're meant to be here." He kissed you now, deeply, one hand on the side of your face, his thumb moving is small circular motions.  
When he pulled back, you backed away, a bit dazed.  
"We should probably go," you mumbled. "I need time to think. And we don't want the con-goers to see us making out in the hallway."  
Somehow, both Dan and Phil were totally fine with you loving them both. But they still expected you to choose, and you supposed you would have to. You loved them both- you knew that already. But one of your two amazing YouTubers really held your heart in his hands, and had since the beginning.  
No more avoiding the inevitable. Who do you choose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next two chapters will be titled "I Love Dan" and "I Love Phil." Obviously, go to the one that you pick! Or you can read both, if you'd like. I'll try to post them on the same day, but no guarantees that it will be tomorrow.


	11. I Love Dan

You didn't wake up in a different universe the next morning. It took you a minute to figure out where you were- _Is this the Daniverse or Philiverse?_ before you remembered that it was both and neither.  
It took you some time to think about your decision. Dan and Phil both checked in on you regularly, trying to see if there was anything they could do to make the decision easier on you. You waved them away, although Dan persisted in knocking at your door until you let him in. "I need some alone time right now," you told him with a sigh.  
Dan rolled his eyes and smirked at you. "Relax. I just wanted to bring you some chocolate. Do you not like chocolate?"  
A smile snuck onto your face at the sight of Dan, this 6 foot 3 giant, standing at your door and holding a little piece of chocolate in a wrapper. It must've been a sample from a candy store. "Did you go all the way to the candy store just to get me a free sample?" He handed you the piece. It was a chocolate-covered blueberry. "Hell no," Dan said instantly. "And me giving you chocolate isn't a romantic gesture or anything! I wanted chocolate, so I just took a piece for you too. No big deal. Well, anyway, let me know what you decide. Okay. Bye."  
Before you could say another word, Dan had walked out and slammed the door closed behind him.  
You popped the blueberry in your mouth, and sat on your bed to think. You could hear Dan pacing outside your door. You knew that you were killing Dan and Phil by making them wait for your answer, but you needed just a few more hours to verify your true feelings.  
You were trying to think about both of your YouTubers equally, but no matter how hard you tried, your mind kept flitting back to Dan. Every time you thought of the way he would wink playfully at you or when he would grasp your hand, your heart went up in a flutter of butterflies.  
There were a million reasons why Dan was the one. His sense of humor, his sarcasm, his honesty. He was nerdy, fun, and you just felt connected to him in ways that you weren't to Phil. Sure, you loved your little ray of sunshine, but the things that Dan Howell made you want to do...  
You and Dan thought with the same frame of mind and loved with the same accepting hearts.  
There was no longer a need to call up Louise and ask for advice. You knew who you loved.  
All this time, you'd thought that the problem was Dan and Phil. The reason that you couldn't choose was that they were both so perfect. At least, that's what you'd told yourself.  
The truth was, the problem was you. You hadn't realized that although both Dan and Phil were perfect, only one was perfect for **you**. And that was Dan.   
You looked down at what you were wearing. Black jeans and a black t-shirt. Perfect. You were dressed in his style.  
Some people thought that Dan was too dark and pessimistic. People online still joked about the fact that he was emo. You personally found his pessimism to be oddly inspiring. Dan would always say that he couldn't do something, but then go out and prove that he could do it anyway. It motivated you, too.  
You knew there were a lot of things that Dan didn't like about himself. Most of the time, he would mention these things in a joking manner, but it still hurt you. He was so perfect to you.  
His height was hella attractive to you, although he just seemed to find it annoying. The fact that he didn't upload videos very frequently just meant that he was out spending time with his friends, or doing other things related to his YouTube-career.   
He was a pessimist, but that didn't make him lazy or negative- it was his own odd way of motivating himself.  
You loved Dan. You loved him when he was an awkward dork, you loved him when he was badass and kicking butt on video games, you loved when he was inappropriately flirty, and you loved when he was relatable.  
You needed to be with him.  
You would have to disappoint Phil by telling him that you just wanted to be friends, and that would be hard on you as well as him. But now Phil had Dan and Louise as friends too, so he'd have other people to focus on besides you.  
You were glad that you'd realized your true feelings before you got further in either relationship. If you'd thought about it much longer, you might have over-analyzed your situation and made the wrong choice.  
You fixed your hair one more time and took a deep breath, preparing to walk out of your room and face Dan and Phil. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.   
You paused. You needed a good way to tell Dan. What should you do, just come straight out with it? "It's you. Dan. I love you." No way. You needed to do things the "Dan" way. You could tell him using a pun! Your idea made you think of Undertale, and Frisk's dating adventure with Sans and Papyrus. Well, you had chosen the equivalent of Sans, so you definitely needed an impressive pun. You nodded approvingly to yourself and rushed over to Google. You were jittery with nerves, and there was no way you'd be able to think up a creative pun by yourself.

You walked into the lounge, heart racing. Dan was sitting on the couch with his laptop open in his lap, mumbling something to himself. Phil was nowhere to be seen. "Hey," you said, and he startled. "(Y/N). How are you feeling? Did the chocolate help?" You smiled. "I'm okay. Oddly enough, it did help. I should be asking how you're doing."  
Dan shrugged. "Actually, I'm pretty calm right now."  
You joined Dan on the couch, wanting to press up against him but resisting. What if he was upset with you? He was being really nice to you, but he could still be hurt by the whole situation.  
You tried to understand what it must have felt like for him. Out of the blue, you'd just told him that you also loved another man named Phil. It must have seemed like you were cheating.   
This was hard enough on you, so you were glad that Dan seemed understanding about the fact that this had happened in two universes. But he could be more upset than he was letting on.  
When you were with Phil and when you were with Dan, you felt like two different people, because it was two different worlds. You'd had to decide which person you wanted to be. Now you knew.  
"Dan, where's Phil?" You asked quickly. You didn't want him walking in on your confession.  
"Uh, he went out. He seemed a bit stressed," Dan replied. Your heart twisted painfully. "Why, do you want me to call him and get him back here?" Dan asked. "No no no!" you said immediately, waving your hands in front of you in a warding gesture.  
"I just want to talk to you."  
Dan closed his laptop. "Okay, I'm listening." Wow, he'd closed Tumblr for you. That definitely meant something.  
You were about to speak, and your face began to turn red. You suddenly felt that your pun was too cheesy. But you'd already decided to go forward with it- there was no turning back now.  
"Dan, you may not be on fire, but my heart is on fire with love for you." Dan laughed good-naturedly. "Wow, (Y/N), that was some Shakespearian shit right there."  
"Okay, okay, I know that was really bad. I just wanted a creative way to say that I love you." Dan froze and stared at you in shock. "Wait, you mean-"  
You nodded. "Yes, I love you. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize and I understand if you're upset with me. I mean, I did kiss Phil, and I did love him. I won't lie to you about that. But I can say that you're my true love, and my final choice."  
Dan put his laptop down- whoa, things were getting serious now- and moved closer to you. "How could I be upset with you? I love you too much to complain about stupid things like that," he said, and took your face in his hands. He traced your nose and mouth with one of his fingers, and finally kissed you. It was intense, as always, but even more so this time. Dan kissed you like he thought he'd never see you again.  
You felt an instant release of stress and tension when his lips met yours. You knew who your heart belonged to, and you knew that he would take good care of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering whether or not this is the last chapter, never fear! I'm writing at least fifteen, and then it'll be finished. If it's popular enough by that point, I may consider continuing. But it's unlikely that I will, as I'd like to move on to new stories!


	12. I Love Phil

Last night had been a rough one for you. As it was, you'd gotten home late from the convention with Dan and Phil. You'd gone straight to your room, claiming to need some alone time to think. Your YouTubers kept trying to see if you needed anything, but you denied their offers to bring you dinner.  
You paced around in circles in your room for a few hours. You could hear Dan and Phil moving around outside too, and at one point you put your ear to the door to listen to what they were saying.  
"How do you think she's doing in there?" you heard Phil ask. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. It was sweet that he was so worried about you.  
"I don't know. I hope she's not crying," Dan replied. "I think girls just need more time to sort these things out sometimes." _Nice, Dan_ , you thought sarcastically.  
"She has to be hungry. Maybe she'll want pizza?" That was Phil again. As Phil spoke the word pizza, you realized that you were pretty hungry. But no! You would not let yourself eat until you'd decided what to do.  
You plopped down on the bed with a sigh and stared out the window. You approached it, and the stars twinkled back at you silently, offering no advice. You thought of the day that you'd spent with Phil at the zoo, and managed to find his hamster constellation again.  
Before the zoo had closed that day, Phil had insisted on getting you something from the gift shop. He ended up finding a small stuffed lion that was almost identical to the one that he kept on his own dresser. You let him buy it for you, and now it sat on your dresser next to a framed selfie of you and Phil. You picked your little lion up and gave it a tight squeeze, needing to have it close to you. You looked back out at the stars. Maybe they had given you some advice after all. They'd reminded you of who you truly loved.  
And really, you'd known in your heart all along- you were in love with Phil.  
He was your sunshine, always seeing the best in people- seeing the best in you. His genuine optimism, his innocence and his sweet sense of humor. He was nerdy, but in the best possible way. His heart was probably twice the size of a normal human being's, and his smile could light up a room. He was one of the best humans you'd ever known. And he was perfect for you.   
You were currently wearing a sweater decorated with little cats and dogs. It was something that Phil would wear. Without even realizing it, you were mimicking his style because you admired him so much.  
Admired him. Yes, not only did you love him, you admired him, too. He was your role model. His optimism and his emotional strength were things that you strived for.  
Some people thought Phil was annoying. Some people said that Phil was only popular because of Dan. You wanted to punch those people in the face.  
Dan and Phil, but particularly Phil, had saved your life. You couldn't understand how people could say those things about your hero.  
You loved when he would talk excitedly about anime, and you loved his relatable stories- you could listen to his voice for hours. You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath. You would love to hear his voice right now. You hoped that he still wanted to hear yours.  
He had seemed pretty upset to learn that you were also in love with Dan. Rightfully so, as now that the two universes had combined, you couldn't have romantic feelings for two men. It just wasn't right. When you were with Phil and when you were with Dan, you felt like two different people, because it had been two different worlds. You'd had to decide which person you wanted to be. Now you knew.  
Phil had stolen your heart, and you needed to make sure he knew that it was his.  
Of course, you'd have to disappoint Dan. But he was easily likable and had so many fangirls that you were sure he'd find someone else soon.  
Phil, on the other hand, didn't have as many fans. He tended to be stepped on or overlooked. You wanted to keep him safe from all of that. You wanted to be his number one cheerleader for when he felt down about himself.  
But how would you tell him all of this? You couldn't just run up to him and say it. Would those three simple words, "I love you," express how you truly felt about him?  
You'd already said "I love you" to both Phil and Dan. You needed something more convincing than that.   
And as much as you wanted to sit in your room and think about Phil forever, it'd be best to get past your nerves and just go tell him. Everything would feel better and brighter once you were with him.  
You checked your phone for the time- it was a little bit after 1 a.m. Usually you stayed up much later than this, but the convention and the stress of the day was getting to you. You had every intention of going to find Phil right away, but before you knew it, your eyes were unwillingly closing. You fell asleep in your clothes, with the lights still on.

When you woke next, the lights were off. You sat up quickly. The sky was starting to lighten up, but the sun hadn't quite risen all the way. Pretty pink and orange light filtered through your curtains- although you hadn't remembered closing them. You were still holding your stuffed lion, tucked safely between your arm and chest.  
There was a box on your dresser, and as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you saw that it was a pizza box. Phil's own stuffed lion sat on top of it, along with a hand-written note. _Lion was worried that you were hungry, so I got you some cheese pizza._ A huge smile broke out across your face. Phil hated cheese, but he'd still made sure to get your favorite pizza. You wiped at your face, shocked to find a tear there. Okay. That was it. You needed to find Phil and tell him, now.   
Leaving the pizza untouched, you pushed the door open and hurried to the lounge. Phil was sitting on the couch, watching TV, but Dan was nowhere to be seen. He was probably sleeping, since it was around 4 a.m.   
"Phil," you said urgently. He turned around instantly, concern swimming in his blue eyes. "(Y/N)? It's so early. Is everything okay?"  
Your voice was panicky, and since you'd gotten up without even bothering to look in the mirror, you guessed that your hair was everywhere. There were probably dark circles underneath your eyes, too. No wonder he sounded so worried.  
"I'm fine, Phil. Really. No, actually, I'm great. I finally realized that I'm in love with you, and it feels awesome." You finally realized what three words would do your feelings justice, even more so than _I love you._   
"I need you."  
Phil stood up from the couch and walked over to you. He looked shocked at first, as if he thought you were pulling a joke on him.  
An infectious smile came over his face, and soon you were smiling, too.   
"Thank you," he whispered. You shook your head persistently. "What? No! Thank you! You've saved my life, Phil, and when I look at you, I'm in my happy place. You're amazing. You're Amazing Phil." You giggled a bit at your own joke.  
Phil pulled you to him, cuddling you. Phil Lester hugging you had to be the best feeling in the whole world. He was wearing flannel today, and you pressed into him, closing your eyes contentedly. He eventually pulled back so he could kiss you. Okay, maybe Phil's **kisses** were actually the best feeling in the world.  
When he pressed his lips to yours, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Like he was breathing life into you.  
You knew you'd made the right choice. Phil was your sun, and you were the flower that thrived on his light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering whether or not this is the last chapter, never fear! I'm writing at least fifteen, and then it'll be finished. If it's popular enough by that point, I may consider continuing. But it's unlikely that I will, as I'd like to move on to new stories!


	13. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for any Feels or upset this might cause. There's some pretty intense stuff in here.

Your alarm clock went off.  
You'd set it to the tune of "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy, which was always motivating to wake up to.  
But for the past few weeks that you'd been staying with Dan and Phil, you'd never set it. When you were with Dan, you usually woke up as late as you wanted. He didn't care, because he slept in just as late. When you were with Phil, he would shake you awake gently if you were sleeping in too late.  
You didn't remember setting your alarm clock last night. So why would it be going off now?  
You leaned over and smacked at the snooze button until the music stopped playing. Yawning and stretching, you stood from your bed and looked around your room. It wasn't that early- your clock read 10:30am- and Dan, Phil, or both should've already come in your room to open your curtains and let some light in.

They always did that for you.  
Something was wrong.  
Your heart pounded as you raced for your door, your panicked mind running through the possible scenarios. Maybe there had been a robbery in the middle of the night and they were kidnapped. Maybe crazy fangirls had snuck in and taken them. Maybe they'd both changed their minds about loving you and decided to leave.  
You tried to calm yourself down as you yanked the door open. They'd probably just forgotten to open your curtains. There was no need to worry.

You changed your mind as soon as you stepped out of the room.  
You'd grown so accustomed to waking up and going to sit in the lounge as Dan or Phil made you breakfast in the kitchen.   
You looked around, walking forward, eyes scanning the horribly familiar living room and kitchen.  
But this wasn't Dan and Phil's flat. It was your own house.  
You looked around feverishly for one of Phil's house plants. You tried to find the video games that you, Dan, and Phil had left strewn out on the table yesterday. You looked desperately for a sign. Any sign that this wasn't happening, that you were still with Dan and Phil, your heroes, the men you loved, one as a friend and one as more than that.  
But it was useless. You were back at home in America, and they were nowhere to be seen.   
Could it have all been a dream? It was impossible. You'd been in their flat for weeks. Dreams were short. If you'd met Dan and Phil for a day, you might have believed that it was a dream. But you'd had enough time to get to know them, and fall in love. This was no dream. You refused to believe it.

"Dan? Phil?" you called out feebly. Your voice was shaking. You'd done plenty of crying within the last few days, but it looked like you were about to cry again.  
And this time, they weren't here to comfort you or kiss the tears away.  
"(Y/N)?" a female voice responded. Your first thought was, _Louise_. But that was stupid. The voice sounded nothing like Louise. It sounded more like...  
She rounded the corner, coming out of her office, and your eyes widened. "No. No, please."  
Your mom stood as proud and tall as ever, looking you up and down with her judgmental eyes.  
"(Y/N), where have you been?!" she shouted angrily. "You've been missing for weeks. Weeks! Do you know how many times I've called the police? There's basically a country-wide search for you. And now you just show up! Are you kidding me? What did you do, run away?"  
"I... I..." You weren't sure how to reply. You hadn't run away, not really, and not by choice. But at least your mom's words confirmed that it hadn't all been a dream. You really had been staying with Dan and Phil for weeks. You opened your mouth to try and figure out a believable answer, but your mom didn't give you a chance.  
"And what's the first thing you say when you get home? Is it, _'Hi, Mom, I'm home'_? No! You're talking about those YouTubers again. Was it them? Did you run away to find them?"  
"Mom, I didn't run away!" you shouted. "I promise! I don't know why I was missing for weeks, and I don't know where I was-" Okay, so that was a small lie. "But I promise it wasn't on purpose! Please! Can you trust me for once?"  
Your mom stared at you, eyes calculating and cold as ice.

Then, all at once, her calm demeanor shattered. It was like watching a beautiful and flawless glass sculpture break into a million pieces.   
Your mom was always so strong and prepared, and she wanted you to be like her. She wanted you to be normal. But now, you were seeing your mom as she truly was, without that flawless mask she wore every day. And this mom, this new side of her, was a lot like you.  
She was sobbing, tears rushing down her face. "Oh God, oh God, I'm so sorry. So sorry, (Y/N). I know that you didn't do it on purpose. And I can't keep this a secret from you any longer. I tried, I really did, and you probably hate me because I was always so strict with you-"  
You watched as your own mother curled up into a little ball on the couch, looking very weak and vulnerable. You often lied like that yourself when you were upset. Heck, you'd curled up like that a bunch of times when you were with Dan and Phil. Your mouth was open in shock, and finally, you made your way over to the couch. "Mom. I don't understand. What secret? You're not going to tell me that we're secretly time travelers, are you? Although I guess that would explain a lot..."  
Your mom laughed and sat up, trying to wipe tears away. "Sorry. I just had a bit of an existential crisis there. No, we're not time travelers, although that would be cool."  
You stared at your mom in confusion. Had she really just used the phrase 'existential crisis'? "Look, I don't know if you're really my mother. You're acting all weird. And you always said I was the weird one!" you exclaimed. "(Y/N), I was just so worried about you. I'm sorry. That's why I cried. But there is a secret, and now that you've experienced it firsthand, it's time that you knew the truth."

**********************************  
Your mom's story was long, and you found it hard to believe. But in the end, it was the only plausible explanation to everything that you'd been through.  
"It's our family's duty to look after Dan Howell and Phil Lester. We're... Their guardians, if you will."  
"Like guardian angels?" you interrupted. Your mother sighed. "Not exactly. You see, all of this is my fault, and that's why I tried so hard to keep it from you. I used to live in England, and I was in high school with Dan. Later on, I was in the same college as Phil. Both in high school and college, I was kind of a stuck-up bitch."  
Your eyes widened.  
"I was in one of the popular cliques, and later on a popular sorority. I made fun of both of them. They were nerds, and I was cool and pretty. Or, I thought I was, anyway."  
"After college, while I was pregnant with you, I had a weird dream in which I was approached by a shadowy figure. It told me that I'd have to make up for what I'd done by being a guardian to both Dan and Phil. I'd have to protect them and look out for them, make sure that they were happy."  
"I didn't believe the dream at first. After all, it was just a dream. But a few nights after that, I was transported to a world in which I was Dan's best friend. The next day, I was Phil's best friend. It was horrible. Every time I saw them, I was burdened by so much guilt. I tried to apologize, but they never recognized me as the girl who had teased them."  
"One day, I woke up and I was back at home. I ran away. I left with you- you were really still a newborn- and I went to America. I wanted to start over, without feeling the burden of watching over those two men."  
"You left Dad?" you asked, shocked. Your mom shook her head. "I'd been missing for months while I was still pregnant with you. He thought that **I'd** run off, so **he** left. I guess it's good that he's gone, if he wasn't willing to stay and look for me."  
"Why didn't you just stay and protect Dan and Phil?" you said, angrily. Your mom breathed in deeply. "I was young and stupid. Who knows? I was visited one more time by the shadowy dream figure, who told me I had not yet repented and that my burden was not lifted. Over time, though, nothing happened. I began to forget. Then you grew up, and you found those YouTubers. Dan and Phil. I knew them right away, and I knew it wasn't over. You'd now have to carry the burden for me."  
Your mom sighed and dropped her head to her hands. "I'm so sorry, (Y/N). This burden is now yours, and if I could take it back from you, I would."  
Your mom probably expected you to feel bad for her, to forgive her now that she'd told you the truth.  
But you didn't.  
You got mad instead.  
"But there's something different about me," you practically hissed. "I love them. I loved them from the screen long before I met them, and I love them still. This isn't a burden to me, it's the best possible gift. Thank you, Mom. Thank you for being mean to them all those years ago so that I could have the chance to be with them. I thank you for that, but I don't forgive you, because you were a jerk. And not only were you a jerk, but you were a coward. You ran away! You couldn't even live up to what you did, so you ran to another fricking country. Are you kidding me?!"  
Your mom stared at you, her mouth open in shock. "(Y/N), I was just trying to-"  
"What? Protect me? Bullshit. You were just trying to run away from your problems. Well, guess what? Dan and Phil are not problems to me. I love them. And I would be their guardian willingly, whether or not you'd been visited by a shadowy figure and blah blah blah. Just so you know."  
You tried to turn and storm off to your room, but your mom grabbed your wrist, yanking your arm. "(Y/N), no. We have to leave the country again. What do you think about going to Canada?"  
"I will leave the country, Mom. But not with you. If you need me, I'll be in London, with Dan and Phil." You twisted your hand and pulled it out of your mom's grip, the way you'd been taught in your school's self defense class. "You won't find them, (Y/N)!" your mom called. "They won't remember you in this world!"  
You slammed your door shut so hard that you were afraid it was now stuck in the wall. You didn't really care. At least that meant your mom couldn't get in.   
You rushed over to your laptop, trying to get it started up as quickly as possible.   
You checked Dan and Phil's YouTube channels. They were back to normal, with no sign of you on them anywhere. Any new videos that you'd made with them were just... gone. Just in case, you checked your phone.  
Aha! All of the videos were still safely on your phone! You'd kept your phone in your pocket the whole time, so the footage must have safely traveled with you from universe to universe.  
Your mom was pounding on your door. "(Y/N), open this door! I just want to keep you safe!"  
You moved quickly and pushed a chair up against the door, then went back to your computer.  
You opened up your email, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Snapchat all at once. Time to go to work.  
You bombarded Dan and Phil with messages. You spammed them. You sent them hundreds of copies of the videos from your phone. Your messages were rushed with plenty of typos, all to the soundtrack of your mom hammering on the door, but you still managed to express who you were in a few short sentences.  
"This is (y/f/n) (y/l/n). Hi Dan. Hi Phil. I love you both. I need you to try really hard to remember me. I know you can."  
You added little key words in your messages that might help them remember their time with you. For Phil, you wrote things like, "Cookie dough, lions at the zoo, our hamsters, the Panic! concert. Please remember me, Phil." For Dan, you wrote things like, "We caught Pikachus together, you made me mac and cheese, you saved me from that idiot at Starbucks. Please, Dan."  
You sent them rapidly, glad that all of your time on the Internet and resulting typing skills were paying off. Your door began to shake. Would it hold? How long would it take Dan and Phil to respond? They could be doing anything right now, they could be in the middle of a live show. You couldn't afford to wait that long.  
You pressed your laptop to your heart, pretending like it was Dan and Phil that you were holding there. They definitely needed protecting, but the only thing they needed protecting from was your own mother. "(Y/N)!!" Your mother's voice was a scary and hoarse scream at this point. She sounded crazed.  
Your phone vibrated, and you unlocked it quickly. It was a private message from Dan on Twitter.  
"Don't worry (Y/N). We could never forget you. And we're coming to get you."


	14. Fangirl On The Run

Your mother was still pounding on the door with superhuman strength. You'd read somewhere that mothers were able to perform impossible acts of strength when it came to protecting their children. Except in this case, her anger at **you** was giving her motivation.  
You looked around your room desperately. You were awash with relief over Dan's tweet, and the fact that he and Phil still remembered you. Not only that, they were coming to get you. As soon as you were in the arms of those two boys, both over six feet, your mother didn't stand a chance.  
But realistically, they were still in London and you were still trapped in your room. By the time they even booked a flight, your mom would have broken down your door and dragged you halfway across the country.  
"(Y/N)! Please!" She had lowered her voice a bit, now trying to plead with you rather than shout.  
"I know what's best for you! Trust me! Please! Forgive me!"  
"I forgive you," you shouted back. You were stubborn and felt the need to retaliate, although you knew you shouldn't.  
"Mom, I forgive you, but I won't trust you. Not after this."  
You scoped out your room, eyes sharp and scanning like a hawk's. You needed to take matters into your own hands for now.  
You had three options here- Run. Hide. Or Fight.   
You could just wait, hide, tucked safely into the closet or underneath your bed until your YouTubers came to your rescue. That plan would undoubtedly fail before long. The chair that you'd placed against your door to keep your mother at bay wouldn't hold forever.  
You could run. But where was there to run to? Your mom was blocking the door, and you didn't think you'd be fast enough to get by her. You might have done more walking in London, but you still weren't a very fit person.  
You could fight. But that was an absolute last resort- the thought of having to hurt your own mother wasn't appealing.  
There was one last option- the window. This wasn't ideal either, as your room was elevated a bit. It was a sharp drop from your window to hard ground.  
However, it seemed to be the best choice you had. You looked around at your belongings- you couldn't take much with you, and you had a feeling you wouldn't be back here again. You grabbed your laptop travel bag, tucking your computer and TABINOF safely inside. It was all that you needed. Clothes and little trinkets could be replaced, but you needed to keep Dan and Phil close to your heart at all times.  
Turning, you glared at the window. That solid sheet of glass was all that kept you from your heroes. You'd never done anything like this before- broken a window. But there's a first time for everything, right? You tried to think like Black Widow.  
Grinning, you grabbed a high heeled shoe from your closet. You'd always hated those things. You were more of a boots or Converse kind of girl.  
Time to make a dramatic exit, the badass (Y/N) way.  
You smashed the heel against the glass, but all you managed was to make a small crack in the window and completely dent the shoe.  
Oops. Your "badass" had turned into "cringingly awkward". Which, you supposed, was the result of spending too much time around Dan Howell.  
Finally giving in, you took the chair away from the door, making sure the door itself was still locked. It was starting to give way, but you should have just enough time...  
You hurled that chair at the window with the might of an angry fangirl. The glass shattered.  
Slinging your travel bag around your neck, you began gingerly crawling out the window, avoiding glass shards.   
"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! No! Stop!"  
Your mom had heard the glass break and figured out your plan. You heard her footsteps hurrying away as she ran to intercept you from the front of  
the house. You'd have to move fast.  
You landed on the grass in a crouch, and ran towards the car. Once you reached it, you froze. The keys were in your mom's purse. You'd have to take your bike.  
You flung one leg over it and rode it to the sidewalk, wheels bumping over the grass.  
This would give you a head start, at least. Your mom could easily follow you in the car, so you'd have to hide somewhere until you could get a ride to the airport.  
You rode like your life depended on it, until you were crossing unfamiliar roads and certain that your mother couldn't find you easily.  
You paused for breath near a small pond, your phone blowing up with anxious Twitter messages from Dan and Phil.   
"Call me! (Y/N), please call me!" That one was from Phil.  
You did, dialing the number Phil had messaged you.   
"Thank God! I'm so happy to hear your voice," Phil said. Your little sunshine sounded genuinely relieved. "You really do remember me," you whispered softly. "I remember everything," he replied. "I was so worried it was just a dream- we were both worried."   
"Is Dan there too?" you asked anxiously, and you heard rustling as Dan obviously snatched the phone away from Phil. You heard, "Daaaaan, give it back!" and had to smile.  
"(Y/N), are you okay? You tell us where you are. Don't worry. We'll see you soon." You shook your head slightly. "But that's crazy. You won't be able to find me. I'm in my neighborhood, running from my nutty mom. Apparently she bullied you two, so then it was her duty to be your best friend. Or so she claims. Anyway, I think she'd be happy to see all three of us dead."  
Dan laughed nervously. "Well. That's just great news." His tone darkened. "Listen, (Y/N), can you find some  
way to get to an airport? We're coming to you, but it's a pretty long flight. You have to come to us, too."  
You nodded, then realized that he couldn't see it. "I'm on my way."  
Only when you hung up did you realize that you weren't actually on your way. What could you do? Bike?  
Then it hit you.  
Besides Dan and Phil, there were only a few other people that you could depend on in times of need. And by a few other people, you meant a few million. Your people. The Phandom.  
You pulled out your phone and began typing some more emergency messages.  
**********************************  
You walked down near the pond, hiding underneath the fronds of a willow tree. You leaned your bike against the tree trunk- you'd have to just abandon it. Covered by dangling willow branches as you were, you were well hidden from the road.   
You heard the sound of a car engine running and ducked down, heart poisoned by fear. You dared to peek out from between the branches, and were relieved to see a large blue van. This wasn't your mom's car- and it had a cat whiskers bumper sticker.  
"(Y/N)? Where are you? Come on, hurry up and get in the car!" a female voice whispered.

You'd explained your dilemma to the rest of the Phandom online, and were shocked by how many people were willing to help you out. You knew that you were involved in a good fandom that accepted everyone, but you still expected some fans to get jealous or accuse you of lying.  
Sabrina- the blue-haired girl who'd gone Pokemon hunting with you and Dan- had seen your Twitter message. She was still in London, and too far away to be of much use to you.  
Her message to you had said:  
"...I have a friend, Jasmine, who lives near you. I'll call her- she's a Phangirl too, and she'll totally be willing to help. Don't worry- we'll get you out of there."  
It must be Jasmine who was approaching you now. She had dark black hair with feathery bangs, and cat whiskers drawn on her face. You giggled when you noticed this, relief washing over you, as you evacuated your hiding spot.  
Jasmine noticed you laughing. "Hey! I had to be sure that you would trust me. Cat whiskers seemed like the way to go. I'm Jasmine, Sabrina's friend, as I think you know. Let's get you to the airport."

You weren't technically doing anything illegal. If your mother tried to tell police that you were running away with strangers, you could just claim that you were hanging out with friends she hadn't meant. Unfortunately, law enforcement would be more likely to listen to an authoritative figure like your mother than yourself.  
You fidgeted anxiously, biting at your fingernails until your nail beds were raw. "Hey, come on, it's okay," Jasmine tried to calm you in a reassuring tone. "I'll cover for you. You'll be an adult in a few years- your mom can't hunt you down forever. Besides, Dan and Phil are adults. They'll take care of you."  
You nodded, trying to breathe normally.  
"Now, step two of the plan," Jasmine explained. "When you get to the airport, you need to find a boy named Josh. He's donning cat whiskers too, and he has three tickets for you, Dan, and Phil to go to London. Those two should be here in a few hours, but it is about an eight hour flight. Josh will keep you safe and hidden from your mom at the airport until then."  
"Who is this Josh?" you asked nervously. This venture required you to put your trust in a lot of strangers.  
Jasmine shrugged. "Just a member of the Phandom. You can trust him. I met him at a con a few years ago."  
Your phone rang once and you answered quickly. It was Phil. "(Y/N)?" he asked, voice laced with concern. "How are you? Where are you? We're coming as fast as we can."  
"I know," you replied, touched by his worry. "I'll be at the airport. See you soon."

Jasmine dropped you off at the gate and gave you a thumbs-up as she pulled away. Just like that, she was gone. All of these strangers were willing to help you, to practically save your life, and then disappear back into the void of the Internet. It was crazy.  
You kept your laptop bag tucked close to your chest and tried to get through security and customs as fast as possible, all the while glancing nervously over your shoulder.  
You found the boy with the cat whiskers- Josh- sitting on a bench and looking around for you. He had a box of pocky in his hand, and wore one of Dan and Phil's tour shirts. Josh was getting a few weird stares, but he would just turn and smile psychotically at onlookers until they hurried away. You approached him, albeit a bit cautiously, and his face brightened at the sight of you.  
He stood and headed towards you, slipping the three tickets into your hand with the precise quietness of a drug dealer.  
He gave you a knowing nod. "I've got your back, my Phandom friend." You stared down at the slips of paper in your hand- your gateway to Dan and Phil.  
"Wait," you started. "How much did these tickets cost? Can't I-" When you turned back towards Josh, he had vanished.

You browsed the souvenir shops. You slept. With Dan and Phil already on their way, you could only wait. As the hours slipped by, you became more and more concerned. What if their plane was delayed? What if they'd decided to leave you after all?  
Or, worst of all... What if your mom had figured out where you were? There were police in this airport. If she wanted you to be found, you would be found.   
Then, of course, there was Josh. He was a tiny guy, and blended into the background very well (other than the cat whiskers.) You'd seen him a few times, and he would always make eye contact with you and give you a reassuring smile.

You dozed off in a chair, and when you woke next, you were shaken awake. You startled a bit, letting out a small shriek of alarm at the sight of Phil's blue eyes staring right into yours.  
"(Y/N)! We made it!" he said excitedly, bending forward to wrap you in a warm hug.   
Dan was there next, pulling you to your feet and encompassing you in his long arms. "We've got you now," he whispered in your ear, and you shivered.  
You made eye contact with Josh across the airport. He gave you a salute, and for a minute you thought he would come over to say good-bye. He seemed shocked to see Dan and Phil in real life. After all, they were probably his heroes too.  
You could see him visibly heave out a sigh before he turned around and left.  
Your jaw dropped. You couldn't believe it. This stranger was putting your safety before meeting his idols.  
Dan noticed your surprise and pulled away. "You're coming with us. It's okay." You smiled. "I knew you guys would find me."  
Phil pulled you to him again and buried his face in your hair. This time, he refused to let you go, as if worried that he'd never see you again if he did. You leaned into him.   
How was it that these two YouTubers, formerly celebrities who hadn't known of your existence, were now your best friends? (and one much more than that- your true love.)   
They'd become your number one fans, your protectors, and were still the only people who could make you truly laugh.  
It was like they were giving back to you for all your years of loving them so much.  
"(Y/N), we have to get back to London asap," Dan said, his voice hurried.   
"But what am I going to do? My mom will find me, I know she will," you said. "She can find you, but she can't hurt you," Dan growled under his breath.  
"Josh gave me these tickets..." You handed a ticket to each of your boys, only to find them both staring at you.   
"What?" you whined.  
"Who's Josh?" they asked in unison.  
You smiled. "Honestly, he's just a shadow. Or maybe a ninja. Or a drug dealer."  
Dan and Phil exchanged a concerned look. You sighed. "Okay, he's a friend. Besides, I think he's more interested in the two of you than in me."  
"(Y/N), Dan's right. We really should go," Phil said, slipping his ticket into his wallet. "Let's get to the new gate."  
"Do you have everything you need?" Dan asked. You stared at the two of them. "Yep. The two of you are all that I need."  
"You don't have any clothes?" Phil asked, his face falling. "I guess you'll just have to make do with some of ours."  
"Yay!" you cheered quietly. "Never mind that, we'll order you stuff from Hot Topic when we're back in London," Dan said dismissively. "Double yay!" you squealed. He grabbed your hand and tugged on it. "Now, c'mon!"

"Excuse me, young man. You can't just take her."

You froze in utter fear at the sound of your mother's voice. Dan grasped your hand tighter, and Phil moved in front of you protectively.   
She stalked up to the three of you, her makeup smeared on her face. She looked like she'd been crying, but she still spoke and walked with the same frightening authority. The ruined makeup and the angry spark in her eyes only made her look crazier.  
"She's not yours. She's a minor, and my daughter. Legally, you need to give her to me now or I'll have you both arrested. I made a mistake a few years ago, but I will not let that ruin my daughter's life. And, if the two of you do not give (Y/N) to me, your lives and YouTuber reputations will be ruined. I promise. So you will let go of my daughter. You **will** say your final good-byes. Let. Go. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not meant to encourage anyone to run away from home when things get tough. You can, and you will, get through tough times. Dan and Phil believe in you.  
> Also, please don't trust strangers. It's a horrible idea. However, this chapter **is** meant to encourage readers to do what they know is right.


	15. Home Is Where Your Heart Takes You

How was it that you'd ended up here? In an airport, hiding in fear behind your two YouTube heroes, facing off against your own mother.  
If this was an action movie, then an epic battle was about to go down, and the heroes would inevitably win.  
Unfortunately, this was real life. And in real life, more often than not, the bad guys win.  
Did that make your mom the "bad guy", the villain of your life? She was only trying to do what she thought was best for you. Was that so wrong?  
Dan glanced over at you repeatedly, checking to see if you were alright. He pulled you in close to his chest. "If anyone knows about family problems, it's me," he whispered, pressing his nose to the side of your cheek. "I promise we'll get this sorted out."  
"Hey!" your mom shouted when she saw Dan hugging you. "You let go of her right now, Dan Howell."  
Dan's grip on you tightened comfortingly.  
A nearby security guard, looking very professional and alert in his dark blue uniform, noticed the commotion. He sauntered over with ease, badge glinting threateningly. Normally, police were a comfort to you, but you knew that you'd end up on the losing side of any legal business. "Is something going on here?" he asked, speaking to your mother.  
You shrunk back. Phil turned around to see how you were holding up, and took a few steps toward you when he saw the fear in your eyes. "(Y/N)." His voice was low. Phil only used that voice for a few things- when he was talking to someone he loved, and when he was making a promise. "We won't let her take you back. Both Dan and I would go to jail, if it meant it would keep you safe. We'll do whatever it takes. But you have to help. You can do it. I believe in you."  
Those words made something click in your mind. Why were you trying to run from your mom? Wasn't that exactly what you hated her for wanting to do? All of this time, you'd been running and running and running. You always laughed at yourself for spending hours on the Internet and losing yourself in YouTube, when really what you were doing was **finding** yourself. Dan and Phil certainly loved you for who you were. So did Louise and all of your Phandom friends. So why should you let this one person- your mom- erase all of that?  
You gently pried Dan's arms away from you and gave Phil a tight hug. It was his words, after all, that helped you with your realization. Existential crisis averted. Meaning found.  
You approached your mother and the security officer. "Officer, there's no problem here," you said confidently. He raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? These two men aren't bothering you?" "They're friends of mine that my mom isn't quite fond of," you explained. A knowing look crossed his face and he turned to your mother. "I have no business in your personal life, ma'am," he said to her, "but try not to be too hard on your kid. You'll regret it in the long run." He gave you both a nod and went on his way.  
Your mom turned to you, looking relieved. "Are you ready to come home with me, then, (Y/N)?"   
"No. I'm giving it to you straight- I don't want to come with you! You want to run away from life. But I want to run towards it. These YouTubers, these... "burdens", as you call them, are my life. I need the freedom to make my own decisions. I'm not you. If you don't respect my choice, that's fine, but that means I won't respect yours either. And I'll go with them anyway. If you want to threaten me with legal stuff, I'll track Dad down. I'm sure you don't want that. I'd like to continue to have a good relationship with you, but I also want to go. So, good-bye, Mom."  
You turned and walked away, your breath hitching, partially with emotion and partially with shock at what you'd finally said.  
"(Y/N)! Wait!" your mom called. Thinking she was going to ask you to come home again, you ignored her. "I wish you the best." You froze and turned. Your mom smiled and gave you a slight nod, then turned and disappeared into the airport crowd before you could reply.

**********************************  
"I can't believe your friend Josh got us first class seats," Phil said happily.  
You were sitting in between Dan and Phil near the very front of the airplane. Fancy meals and trays were spread out in front of you, including elaborate silverware and cute pretzel rolls. "It's pretty cool," you agreed, then sighed. "I didn't even get his last name."  
I wish you the best. It was the last thing your mom had said to you, might ever say to you. You'd been trying not to dwell on it, which wasn't hard, since you were so overcome by relief at being able to stay with Dan and Phil. After your mom had disappeared, you'd broken down a little bit, quietly crying and trying to keep Dan and Phil from noticing. They had noticed, of course, and taken you to a quiet spot in the airport so they could just hold you and whisper comfortingly. Phil had pulled you into his lap and Dan went off to buy you something. He returned with a fruit smoothie from a shop. The cool mango taste cleared your senses and brought you out of your pathetic state.   
"I'm proud of you," Dan said as the three of you were waiting to board. "All I did was argue with my mom. I do it all the time," you said, brushing off his compliment. "It was more than that, and I think you know it," Dan answered. "You've finally realized who you are, and you weren't afraid to tell your mom so. You're an inspiration to nerds everywhere." You giggled at that. "No, I think you're the inspiration. I'm just a fangirl."  
"But a brave fangirl," Phil piped up. "And a beautiful one." You felt your face heating up. "Okay, okay, stop."

The three of you were now eating lunch on the airplane, watching the mini TV screens strapped to the back of your chairs. Dan was currently asleep, a Disney movie playing on his screen, his head resting on your shoulder. You were playing with his hair absentmindedly.  
Phil had one headphone in and reached over to give you the other. There were plenty of hours left on the plane ride for the two of you to talk, so you'd fallen into a comfortable silence for now. You usually felt awkward taking long breaks in conversation, but it felt natural with Phil. You felt like you could pause and think without being judged for it.  
Phil shuffled his music and you tapped your foot along to Panic!'s " _Ballad of Mona Lisa_ ". Before long, you'd fallen asleep. You weren't transported to another universe in your sleep. Nothing crazy happened. You didn't even dream. Your dreams had already come true.

When you woke next, you could hear Dan and Phil conversing quietly above you. You kept your eyes closed so that you could eavesdrop. "She's been through a lot today. I think we should just chill out at the flat," Dan said, and you felt his hand land in your hair, fingers combing out the tangles. You shivered at this. "She's cold," you heard Phil murmur, and he was now draping his sweatshirt over you. "Should we invite Louise over? She'll want to see (Y/N) too," Phil suggested. "I don't think so. Not tonight. It'll be late by the time we get back. Besides, we have a lot to think about. As much as I hate to do that." "You hate to think?" Phil asked, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "I hate to be responsible. And we're responsible for her now. If we screw up, it could effect her future. She has to go to school."  
"We're not her parents, we're her... Friends," Phil said, pausing as he said this, implying romantic feelings. Although you'd already chosen who you truly loved, your romantic feelings for both of them weren't so easily erased. You could tell by Phil's pause that they both still loved you, too.  
"All we can do is be there for her, love her, and support her decisions. Right?" Phil asked. "Yep," Dan agreed. They began talking about their plans for the next Spooky Week and you dozed off again to the warm sound of their voices.

It was late by the time you arrived in London. The time zones were drastically different, and all three of you were exhausted. You couldn't wait to get home.   
Your heart fluttered at the thought. Dan and Phil's flat was your home. They'd accepted you back into their flat without question. You were pleased to be considered a permanent fixture in their lives. You didn't have to worry about trying to get home or feel guilty for enjoying your time with them.  
The sky was almost pitch-black already, but the lights of London gave the night that mystical quality that made you love being a night owl.  
Your taxi driver was chatty, and Dan kept him occupied while you and Phil stared out the window. You hadn't realized until now that it wasn't just Dan and Phil that you'd missed- it was this city too. You were happy to just look out at London again.  
It didn't escape your notice that some of the buildings you'd seen in the Daniverse or Philiverse were no longer here. Dan and Phil had such a big impact on the world that bringing  
them back together had changed the layout of the city. How weird.  
You pressed your face to the glass of the window until your nose was cold and your eyes were blurry from staring at the lights. Finally, you yawned and plopped your head on Phil's lap. He looked down at you in surprise for a minute, then relaxed and moved his hand in little circles on your back.  
The taxi driver dropped you off near the flat and you managed to pull yourself tiredly up the stairs, still clutching your laptop and TABINOF to your chest.  
You threw your stuff on the ground and laid out face-down on the couch.  
Dan and Phil followed you up, carrying what little luggage they'd brought with them.   
"No! (Y/N), for God's sake, don't fall asleep there. You take my bed. I'll take the couch," Dan practically shouted. "Shhhhh," you replied, waving a finger at him with the slow movements of a drunk person.  
"Excuse me. Did you just shush me?" Dan sounded genuinely offended. "I love you," you mumbled. "Love you too..." he replied, sounding confused. "I love you, Phil," you added. "Love you too, (Y/N). Get some rest, okay?" Phil said, and you heard his footsteps echoing away as he went to his own room. "(Y/N)." The couch cushions shifted slightly as Dan sat near you. You heard rustling noises as Dan went through your computer bag. "Of all things, why bring this with you?" You squinted one eye open at him and saw him holding up TABINOF. "You knew we were coming to get you. We could've given you another copy. Why didn't you take clothes instead?"  
You sat up instantly. "That book means a lot to me. It was there for me before I met the two of you in person. It was my only connection to you. The only physical thing of yours that I could hug. That's what it's like for most fangirls. That's as close as they'll get to hugging you and Phil- hugging TABINOF." "That's sad," Dan said, his voice a mere whisper. "It's life," you replied. "When did you get so depressing?! Oh no, I've rubbed off on you. Please, (Y/N), don't be an emo!" Dan pleaded teasingly. You laughed. "Oh, c'mon. You think emo music and clothes are cool, Dan. You're an emo at heart." Dan looked horrified. "How dare you!" he said mockingly. You scooted yourself over until you were practically on top of Dan, then collapsed into him. He responded with a surprised "oomph". "I'm going to be as close to you and Phil as I can the next few days," you explained. "I don't want to lose you again." "(Y/N)." He gave you a kiss on the forehead. "We're always here. For you, and for all of the other fangirls who sit in their rooms and hug TABINOF, and are lonely." You smiled. "You're here for the broken, the beaten, and the damned?" "Did you just quote My Chemical Romance at me? Are you challenging me to a singing battle?" You hoisted yourself up off of Dan, your competitive nature taking over your desire to be on top of him. "Okay, you suggested it. You're on, Howell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of sorry for all of the Dan romance in this chapter... I know this was supposed to be both of them, but as much as I love Phil, I'm personally a Dangirl. That kind of bled through in this chapter. Sorry! (But not really.)  
> One more chapter left, guys! I hope you've enjoyed this story so far~


	16. To Live

You flipped through the pages of TABINOF, and landed on one that was simply a giant picture of Dan and Phil. This was probably your favorite page, as it felt like your YouTubers were looking straight at you. Even so, it was nothing compared to having their eyes- ocean blue and soulful brown- trained on you in real life.  
You brought the page to your face and sniffed at it. Some people might call you weird for enjoying the scent of books, but you would wear a book-scented perfume, if such a thing existed. TABINOF in particular smelled like all kinds of memories and emotions, depending on the day.  
Sometimes the scent would flash you back to a sad (Y/N) who lacked confidence and sobbed over these very pages. Most of the time it would remind you of the recent, confident, happier days you'd spent with Dan and Phil- days. Only a few days. It felt like a few lifetimes.

"(Y/N)! We're home!" Phil's bright voice called from the other room, and you looked up, thrilled to hear his voice. You could hear his excited footsteps pattering down the hallway, but he paused when he reached your closed bedroom door. He knocked politely. What a sweetheart.

Things were a lot different for you now that you were back in your own universe. Dan and Phil both still loved you, but they also spent a lot of time with each other. They were best friends again, and it relieved you to see the Phandom back in place as it should be. The two of them had been touring in Australia, and as much as you'd wanted to tag along, you'd decided that they could focus better without you there. So you'd stayed home in the flat by yourself. Louise had kept you company, taking you shopping and even treating you out to lunch one of the days. Despite her best efforts, you'd still eventually gotten lonely.

At the sound of Phil's knock, you laid TABINOF aside gently and ran to your door, throwing it open at the same time that he was reaching for the knob. He stumbled inside. "Oh, Phil, I'm sorry, I didn't-" you started.  
Phil didn't let you finish your sentence, wrapping you up in a huge hug. "(Y/N), we missed you so much! So many things happened on the tour- it's going to take hours to tell you everything! Did you miss us? What did you do with Louise?" Phil spoke so rapidly that you could barely understand him. "Well, maybe you should tell me about all of your adventures first," you said with a giggle. "Adventures! Did you mean... Our Pokemon journey?!" Dan burst into your room, waving his phone at you. You reached out to steady his spastic hand, your eyes finally registering the Kangaskhan on his screen. "You did **not** catch a Kangaskhan without me!" you protested. "Kangaskhans! Koalas! All kinds of things!" Dan exclaimed. You raised your eyebrows. "You caught a koala?" You could just imagine your two giant nerds trying to sneak up on a koala in a tree, and then smuggle it home on the airplane.  
 _"Phil! We can't take a koala home!"_  
 _"Shh! Dan, I promise I'll take good care of it!"_  
 _"What are you going to do, hide it in the luggage?"_  
 _"I'll just pretend it's a stuffed animal!"_

You were practically doubled over in laughter at this little scenario you'd imagined. "(Y/N)!" Dan said, rolling his eyes. "No, we didn't catch one! We held him!" "He was so cuddly!" Phil added.  
"Anyway," Dan said, tossing his phone onto your bed, "We missed you a lot, (Y/N)." You straightened up, smiling. "Me too. It felt kind of empty here." They were just two men, but they had enough personality to fill the whole of London, and they certainly filled the whole of your heart.  
Now it was Dan's turn to pull you into a hug. You closed your eyes. His nose was touching your cheek. "It just wasn't the same without you, (Y/N)." He pulled back slowly. "But we're here now! Although, we do have one more show to perform. It's in London. Tonight."  
Your eyes widened. "What? I thought the tour was over!"  
"It is! But this is just one last show, kind of a 'coming home' thing. Tickets just went out a few days ago. Would you like to come see it?" Phil asked.

You'd never seen TATINOF, but then, why would you need to? You were living with Dan and Phil, live, every day.   
Still, you'd heard that they put on a good show. You might as well.  
"Sure!" you said. "Do I get front row seats or are you sticking me up in the balcony?" You laughed, obviously joking. You knew they wouldn't have many seats left and were willing to sit anywhere.  
"Absolutely. Front row, 100%. There's a few different seats reserved for you. You can pick which one you like best, and then the rest can go to... Whoever you want, I guess." You stared at Dan, searching for a hint of sarcasm, but he was dead-serious.   
"Why would you guys do this for me?" you whispered. "We love you," the two of them said in unison. "Seriously, it's **our** show. Of course you deserve to come and get good seats. I just hope you like it," Phil said. You glanced at the clock on your bedroom wall. "If you're giving me a few extra seats for friends, then I have some work to do. Some of them live in other countries!"

Your first phone calls went to Josh and Jasmine, who were all the way back in America. You put the phone on speaker as you called. Dan and Phil watched you expectantly.   
Josh answered your phone call with a shriek. "Oh my God. Dan and Phil. A live show? Front row seats!?! (Y/N), you're the best!" "You basically saved my life. It's the least I can do," you replied. "Do you think- I mean, if they're not too busy- could I talk to them afterwards? M-maybe get a hug?" You turned to look at Dan and Phil, but they were already nodding. "Of course," Dan mouthed. "Of course," you repeated to Josh. "Eeeeeeek! Okay! Bye!" He hung up.  
Jasmine's reaction was much the same, but with a bit more hyperventilating.   
Jasmine and Josh were older, probably more in their early twenties, so they had the freedom to jump on a plane ride to another country.  
You called up Sabrina next, and, of course, Louise. Louise had probably been to a few live shows before, but she was always willing to go places with you, Dan, and Phil.   
Dan and Phil had wandered off somewhere during your conversation with Louise, which ended up longer than you expected. She began talking about a, quote unquote, "life changing" new hair straightener she'd bought. You listened until you thought you might fall asleep.  
"(Y/N)!" Dan called. You shuffled down the hallway towards Dan's bedroom. Your own bedroom was formerly a spare room, but Dan and Phil had happily bought you a bed and let you personalize it.  
"What should Phil and I wear for the show tonight?" Dan continued.  
You opened Dan's bedroom door. He had no shirt on. You squeaked before shutting the door immediately, your heart pounding. "Oh, come on, (Y/N)," Dan called. "You get flustered too easily. Just because a man has his shirt off doesn't mean he's going to tackle you to the bed and kiss you." You felt your face heat up at his words. A little voice in your head said, " _Please do_."  
"You should wear your eclipse shirt!" you said quickly. "Again?" Dan asked skeptically. You cracked the door open. He was frowning at you. You nodded decisively. "Fans like when you guys stick to tradition."  
"What should I wear then, (Y/N)?" Phil called. You cautiously walked into Phil's room. He was in the middle of removing his clothing, too. You squealed again and cried out, "Why are you guys doing this to meeeeee?!" before rushing back into your room. You tried to steady your heart and your... Well...other organs.   
You walked back out into the hallway.  
"Dan, wear your eclipse shirt! Phil, wear plaid! Trust me on this one. And both of you- please, tell me not to come in next time? How would you like if I just walked around with my shirt off?" Phil said, "Of course I would respect your privacy," at the same time that Dan jokingly said, "Fine with me, baby."

You decided to wear a shirt that had both British and American flags on it. It encompassed the two sides of you- America was still a part of you, because you'd lived there for so long, but the British flags represented who you were now. "Are you guys drawing cat whiskers on yourselves?" you asked, walking into the lounge. You stopped. The two of them were casually sitting on the couch, browsing on their phones, totally at ease. "What the heck?" you said. "Aren't you guys going to practice for the show? Aren't you nervous?"  
Phil shrugged. "This is something we love doing, (Y/N). When you really love something, you get excited, not scared. Besides, we've done this a lot by now. We're ready."  
You nodded. "Oh. Okay. I guess that makes sense."  
Dan stared at Phil for a moment before turning to you. "I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm terrified, I'm just really good at hiding it."  
You giggled. "Well, I'm sure the show will be incredible. So, cat whiskers or no cat whiskers?"  
"We usually do that during the show," Phil explained.   
"Well, you can at least put them on me." You held out a sharpie. Dan and Phil's eyes brightened. "I'll do one side and Dan will do the other, and then you tell us who did the best whiskers!" Phil said excitedly. "Wait, I need a reference," Dan said, pulling up a picture of a cat on his phone.  
"You guys!" You were grinning. "Do you know how many Phangirls would die to have whiskers drawn on by Dan and Phil themselves? There's no way I could pick a better side. Both sides make perfect whiskers, just like both of you make my life perfect."  
"Awww," Phil said happily, but Dan just took the sharpie from you determinedly. "Sit," he commanded. "This could take hours."

The ride to the theater where Dan and Phil were performing was short.  
The car pulled up in the back, somehow managing to blend in so that the crowd in the front couldn't spot Dan or Phil. "Stay close," Dan said, grabbing your hand as Phil opened the door to get out. "Yea," Phil whispered back. "Security might think you're a creepy fan who's trying to follow us." The three of you took a back route to get behind the stage. You felt very Phantom of the Opera-esque. You were only approached by suspicious security once, while Dan and Phil were turned to talk to someone working on the special effects.  
"How'd you get back here?" the guard asked. "Uh-" You froze up with fear. Phil turned, nodding at the security guard. "She's VIP. Very very very VIP. She lives with us."  
The guard looked a bit confused, and then backed away. "Okay. Whatever, I guess." He was an older man and had probably never even heard of YouTube, much less Dan and Phil.  
"Louise!" Dan waved, and you looked up as your best girl friend approached. "Hey, girly!" you said excitedly. "I've been here for a while, and I found our seats," Louise said. "C'mon, I'll show you there. There's a few people waiting there for you... Friends of yours? There's two Americans, and one girl with blue hair." You were pleased but slightly shocked that Josh and Jasmine had managed to make it on time.  
"Just a sec," you said, and turned to Dan and Phil. They were both watching you like you were their favorite person in the world. The two ignored the designers who moved around them busily, fixing their hair and clothes.  
You gave each one a hug in turn, telling them to break a leg. (That was theater talk, right? You weren't quite sure, and hoped you hadn't just threatened them on accident.)  
You reached up to give Phil's hand a squeeze, and before you knew what was happening, he was leaning in to give you a kiss.   
Once he'd pulled away, Dan moved in to do the same. They were just quick kisses, and although you'd already chosen the one you truly loved, they both still held special places in your heart. You smiled and waved to them as they headed further backstage to prepare for the show.  
You turned around to see a girl fixing up one of the props. She was staring at you with her mouth open. She had cat whiskers on her face- she must be a Phangirl that had managed to get a job working on the set. You averted your gaze, embarrassed. "God, I wish I was you right now," she mumbled.

Louise led you around and out from backstage, over to your seats in the front row. The two of you bypassed security and ushers easily, mostly because many of them recognized Louise. Sabrina waved animatedly and hurried over to lead you and Louise to your seats. You gave Josh, Jasmine, and Sabrina hugs and sat down in the cushy red seat.   
It seemed to take forever for the show to start.  
Finally, the lights dimmed and a chorus of screams and shouts echoed throughout the venue. Dan and Phil had stressed that this would be a smaller show, especially because it had been announced on such short notice. It didn't seem very small to you.  
Your YouTubers really did put on an awesome show. They referenced all of the Phandom's inside jokes, but never forced audience participation or made anyone feel uncomfortable. There were bound to be lots of new Phandom inside jokes from TATINOF, too.  
You couldn't help noticing a few particularly interesting things about Dan and Phil as they were performing, probably because you knew them personally. First of all, Dan was so happy. He was so clearly in his element- he claimed that he had social anxiety, but he also said that he'd always wanted to be an actor. There he was, up on stage, doing just that with his best friend. Dan Howell was living proof that dreams can come true.  
Then there was Phil. He was definitely more nervous than Dan, but he was the one who had made all of it possible. He was the one who'd first decided to create a YouTube account. If he hadn't, Dan would never have watched Phil's videos. Dan wouldn't have made a YouTube. There would be no TABINOF, TATINOF... The Phandom owed it all to that blue-eyed man.

You could tell that Dan and Phil were starting to get to the end of their show, but your eyes were still glued to the stage. It was late, but you could never get tired of watching those two. You'd stayed up until 3am watching their videos plenty of times, and you could do the same live.  
"Before we go, we have a quick message," Dan was saying, and you tilted your head curiously.  
"This show was kind of the finale to our tour, but it was also a celebration. A celebration of someone we love coming back to us."   
Whispers ricocheted around the audience, Phan theories and confused questions.  
You blushed and sank down in your seat. They were talking about you.  
Your suspicions were confirmed when Dan and Phil turned to you. Dan winked at you and Phil nodded. The audience searched around desperately, trying to figure out who they were looking at. A couple of girls screeched when Dan winked. You wondered if any of them had fainted.  
A girl sitting a few seats down from you reached out and grabbed your arm. "Are they talking about you?" she shouted over the noise of the audience. Your responding laugh was shaky and too loud. "No! That's crazy!" In reality, you were honored that they'd mentioned you.

You and Louise headed backstage a few minutes before the show ended. You didn't want to tear your eyes away from the stage, but you did want to greet Dan and Phil as they were coming off. You were lucky that you had that opportunity. In fact, you were lucky in so many ways. For some people, this was the first and last time that they would ever lay eyes on Dan and Phil. You glanced over at the girl who had grabbed your arm earlier. She was looking at the stage with intensity, as if trying to memorize the two YouTubers there. Her heroes, most likely, just like yours. You motioned to Josh and Jasmine to follow you backstage. Sabrina had already met Dan and Phil, so she decided to stay and finish the show.

You and your friends were waiting in the right wing of the stage, trying not to trip over props lying on the ground.  
Dan and Phil exited the stage, slightly sweaty from stage lights and exertion, looking exhausted but happy. "DAN AND PHIL!" Josh shrieked, throwing himself at them. "Oh, you must be Josh. You helped (Y/N) at the airport," Dan said. "Thank you for that." "I LOVE YOU," Josh said, practically screaming. "Thank you for coming into my life, you mean so much to me!" "You're welcome, thank you for being our fan!" Phil said, hugging Josh. Dan turned to you. "(Y/N), you were a Phangirl, right? Why do fans get all excited like this?"  
You grinned. "I'm still a Phangirl. And for us, meeting you guys is like... Like what meeting One Direction was like for you. Like meeting a mythical creature. A really attractive, incredible, life-changing mythical creature." You paused and sighed. "I don't know where I'm going with this metaphor. It's indescribable. It means a lot to us."  
Jasmine was hanging back, clearly shy, but you could see her twitching with excitement.  
Phil nodded to Jasmine. "What about her? Is she okay?"  
"She's absolutely in love with you two, but she's socially awkward. If you don't talk to her first, she'll walk away without even saying hi."  
A look of determination crossed Phil's face as he marched over to Jasmine, pulling her into a hug. Tears spilled over onto Jasmine's face, and she was sobbing, but you knew they were happy tears. Tears of dreams coming true.  
**********************************  
Louise suggested that everyone go out to dinner, but you could see that Dan and Phil needed some time to just chill out back at home. Phil nearly said yes- he probably didn't want to disappoint Sabrina, Jasmine and Josh- but you interrupted. "I think we should just spend some time at home tonight, Louise. Is that okay?" Dan nodded in agreement. "Yea, we're beat. Sorry, guys." You all said your good-byes and headed back to the flat.  
You called and ordered pizza- it was starting to become your go-to lazy food. "That really was the best show I've ever seen," you complimented Dan and Phil. They were both splayed out on the couch, looking like they wanted to fall asleep. A small smile flitted across your face. They looked so peaceful.  
"Anything else I can get you two? You look totally drained." "Totally drained," Dan repeated monotonously. "No thanks, (Y/N), we're all right," Phil said, trying to keep his eyes open so he could respond to you properly. "Just sleep here with us. That's all we need." Your heart skipped a beat.  
You decided to put _My Neighbor Totoro_ into the DVD player, and then moved towards the couch. "There's no room for me! You guys are too tall," you whined. Dan and Phil instantly shifted in either direction, leaving a space sized perfectly for you. You snuggled up there, at peace knowing that you were sandwiched in between the two people who loved you most in the world. Nothing could get at you on this couch, in the lounge of Dan and Phil's flat in London. No inner demons, no outer enemies, and certainly no self-doubt or hatred.  
You'd always felt like you were meant for something more. You'd spent so long searching, hoping for that 'something more' to stumble along into your path. Maybe, instead, you should've been looking for where you belonged. You never would have thought that you'd end up living with Dan and Phil. And yet, here you were. You belonged here.  
Maybe the true trick to discovering where you belong was to stop searching and start living.


	17. Thank You For Reading!

Hi everyone!  
I know I'm not accepting an Academy Award or anything, but I wouldn't feel right finishing this book without thanking all of my readers. I write all the time but I don't share my stories very often, so I wasn't sure how readers would react to this fanfic- or if people would even read it at all.  
The reactions I got were completely unexpected, and a wonderful surprise. At the point that I'm writing this acknowledgements page, I have 2K reads on this fanfic! That's totally crazy! I love my readers so much- you guys are the best! When I come home from school and I've had a rough day, it warms my heart to see new reads or new comments on my chapters. You guys came up with some great theories and ideas surrounding this fanfic, and it makes me happy to think of someone spending that much time reading and considering my story.  
I love every single one of you, but I have to quickly mention a few people who really motivated me for this story. You guys were some of the first hard-core readers of this fanfic. You were on Wattpad and reading the second I posted a new chapter, and your comments motivated me when I sometimes felt like quitting. So, thank you to @IntelligentMusic, @R5er99, @ShaddowJacksepticeye, @irishsnowflakeluv, @StoryofBebe, and, of course, my good friend @Dalleekah! You guys are the best!  
Again, thank you to all of my followers, new and old, and anyone who has commented, voted or read! You mean the world to me and I wish I could mention everyone who has read this story by name.

I guess I should give a quick summary of my own Dan and Phil story. I think every Phangirl has one. I was pretty late to the Phandom, as I really got into Dan and Phil around September of 2015. Of course, I began watching all of their videos and I was instantly hooked. I have to thank @Melodic_Silence for that- she's my friend in real life, and she introduced me to Dan and Phil. We went to see TATINOF together and basically we just fangirl over Dan and Phil all the time and send each other pictures of them. I think I've given her a fangirl heart attack more than once with those pictures. XD (Plus, I've known her forever and she's just the best!)

I can't say that Dan and Phil saved my life, like a lot of people, but I can say that they made it brighter. Their videos made me laugh when nothing else could, and they've helped me learn to accept people, and motivated and inspired me. They really are my YouTube heroes. And, of course, I totally fell in love with Dan, so that helped too.  
I've only ever really been obsessed with three YouTubers- that's Dan, Phil, and Tobuscus (when I was younger.) My heart broke a little bit after all of the controversial issues with Tobuscus, but Dan and Phil have always been there for me. I mean, I casually watch a few other YouTubers as well- Paint, Louise, of course, and I'm just starting to get into Markiplier and Jacksepticeye. But I've never loved another YouTuber with the intensity that I love Dan and Phil.  
Essentially, that's my Dan and Phil story. It's not heart-breaking, and it's not spirit-lifting. I'm just a fangirl who found two awesome YouTubers who make her life a little better each day.  
So, I have to thank them, of course. Thank you, Dan and Phil, for making this fanfiction possible! (Chances are they'll never come across this, but I just have to say thank you anyway.)

Lastly, I have a few questions for you as readers. I'm always writing to improve my skills and to make my stories more entertaining for you guys. Think of this like an optional mini review on this fanfic. If you fill it out, it will help me to write more stories that you like. If you don't... Well, that's fine, too. So I have two major questions. Ready?

1) Your main thoughts on this fanfiction. Did you like it or dislike it, overall? What was your favorite part, your least favorite part? What did you like the most about my writing style? Was there anything about my writing style that you found annoying? Grammar mistakes or plot holes? Let me know.

2) What else would you like to see from me as a writer? More Dan and Phil X Readers? A sequel to this fic? X Readers with other YouTubers, or something in another fandom entirely? I'm always open to requests, so please let me know.

These questions are here to benefit you and enhance your reading experience by helping me to hone my writing skills. If you have any other questions or comments on this fanfiction or for me, don't be afraid to ask! I love talking to people, and I can't wait to write more for you guys! Wattpad really is an awesome community of readers and writers. This community has really helped me practice my writing. It's made me realize that people **do** want to read what I write, and that my dream of becoming an author isn't ridiculous. So, thank you all for that. And I'll see you in the next story~!


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